Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: I'm involved with "Terry." Unfortunately, he seems to have a bad drinking problem, although he won't acknowledge it. It's created a distant relationship between him and his children from a broken marriage. He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but I always seem to be last on the list. He doesn't call for several days at a time. When he does call, sometimes he'll say he's with his children or his father, but he's not: he's sitting in a bar.

I was in a 22-year marriage that was mentally abusive. I really care about this guy, but it's the situation where my heart tells me one thing, the mind something else. I think I know what the answer will be, I just need someone else to put this in perspective for me. — Giving Up Hope in Portland, Ore.

Dear Giving Up Hope: Here it is: Terry may be feeling down about his troubles, but he won't find the answers he's looking for at the bottom of an empty whiskey glass.

You know that. Deep down inside, so does he. You may have tried to tell him this, but unless he is willing to accept this and do something about it, nothing will change, and yes, you'll be wasting your time trying to make him into something that he is not yet ready to be.

Say goodbye. If you're in the wrong relationship, getting out of it frees you to be ready when the right relationship comes along. And you don't want to miss out on that. Sure, there's always the possibility that he may realize he's lost you, and this may finally be the catalyst for his change. Still, I'd suggest that you don't wait around to find out when or if that ever happens.

Dear John: My roomie, "Carla," and I have been living together for six years. Two days ago, Carla's boyfriend called and told me that Carla has been stealing from me. Taking money out of my purse. He has just broken it off with her, which is why he wants to come clean about her now.

Of course, I confronted Carla. She admits that, yes, she took a few dollars from me when times were tough for her. She says that she is very ashamed and that I'm the best roomie she ever had. She'd like to make it up to me. But I would feel like such a fool if it were to happen again. What do you think? — Is It Time for a New Roomie? in Pittsburgh

Dear Is it Time: My answer is yes. Actions speak louder than words. Instead of stealing from you, she could have asked you for a loan.

At this point, it would be unwise to keep her as a roommate. Why? Because the trust between you is gone. That said, start looking for another place, or ask her to leave by the end of the month. In the meantime, lock your bedroom when you leave the house alone. If she's angry or resentful, she may take something else, so keep your loose cash close. And take anything you feel is valuable out of the house. The only one she should be mad at is herself. Because of her own actions, she's just lost a valuable friend: you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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