Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: There's a guy at work that flirts with me, and yes, I'll admit it: reciprocated. Lately, though, I've had my reservations about starting a relationship with him because we're office mates. We don't work side by side: I'm in the office and he's in the warehouse (sort of like "The Office," isn't it?). So, the only time we do see each other during work hours are if and when we need to exchange online instant messages. However, on a few occasions, we have been together outside of work in a group scenario. What is your advice? —A Kelly Kapoor Situation not in Scranton, Pa.

Dear Not in Scranton: Your situation reflects the world at large. In fact, a third of all Americans claim they have participated in an office romance.

With a coed work force working long hours in emotionally charged situations, it seems almost inevitable that we would turn to our comrades in the trenches for compassion and respite.

The problem with starting an office romance is that there is better than a 50/50 chance it may not work out, which means that one or both of you might get hurt, and you're put in the uncomfortable position of having to continue working with each other.

If one of you is a supervisor of the other, this may color many important decisions made by the ex-partner in the dominant position, including raises, promotions or out-of-town trips. This may not be your situation now, but then again, all it takes is a promotion to change things.

Most companies are not blind to the possibilities of workplace romances, so they have instituted policies regarding dating among co-workers. You may want to check your employee handbook to see if the topic is covered. Of course, dating is a very broad term. If you're talking about a dinner with a co-worker to encourage a friendship, I don't think that's a problem. A full-blown intimate relationship, well, that's obviously another issue entirely.

If you find your friendship blossoming into a full-blown love affair and (to paraphrase Emeril Lagasse) you want to "take it up a notch," first consider the worst-case scenario — an unhappy breakup — before proceeding.

After all, you'll still have to interact with him. If you both feel it's worth the risk after serious consideration, one of you may consider a move to another company in order to defuse the issue. No job should stand in the way of true love. At the same time, an untested relationship may not be worth the risk of losing your job, let alone dreading it if things don't work out.

Dear John: My boyfriend and I are complete opposites in every sense of the word! We have different interests and were raised differently. While this seems to be the thing that attracted us, it also causes lots of complications. Can opposites commit to each other successfully and happily? If so, how do they do it? — His Way or the Highway in Boca Raton, Fla.

Dear His Way: When we say opposites attract, that is only true to a certain extent. For example, an introvert and an extravert can make a good pair. A person who is not a risk-taker can benefit greatly by partnering with someone who will take a risk.

Where it does not work is in core values. There's no problem if your politics are different, but if one wants the children to be in a house of worship every week and the other has no belief in spiritual matters, that could be a real problem. If one believes that having children is central to their lives together and the other does not want children, that's also a problem.

If your concern is a difference in core values, proceed with caution. Fully discuss and explore these differences. Ignoring these issues until five years into your relationship could make them far more difficult to resolve. If you can discuss them openly and honestly now, you are more likely to be able to bridge any value gaps you may find.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2010 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE