Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: Several years ago, I remarried. I had a daughter by a previous marriage. She is now getting married and asked that their honeymoon be our wedding gift. This is fine with me, although it will be quite expensive, several thousand dollars in fact.

However, my wife thinks doing so is over the top, although she would expect me to do the same for the two children we've had together. She always resents any money I give my eldest child, whom she considers a spendthrift. Most times I see her point, but after all, this is our wedding gift to my daughter. Should I give in to my wife to save peace in our house? — Dad with the Dough in Modesto, Calif.

Dear Dad: You should reaffirm with her that your plan is to give all of your children the same advantages. They are all your children, and it would be unfair to do less for one than for the others. That said, choose a gift amount that is not a financial burden. When the time comes for the other children to get their wedding gifts, adjust for the reality of inflation and then give the same.

Dear John: My husband seems to no longer have an interest to do anything spontaneous or romantic! For instance, the other day I suggested that he and I go to a block party that was happening that night. He literally said, "Bah! Humbug" with a "not a chance" look on his face. Recently, when I suggested going on a short hike to this waterfall we have never seen, he just rolled his eyes with an attitude that said, "Give me a break."

I always do things with him that he wants to do (fishing, camping, hunting, etc.), but it seems like whatever I suggest is like asking for a million dollars.

How can I make him see how important this is to me? — Getting that Six-Year Itch in Sarasota, Fla.

Dear Six-Year Itch: Shared activities and interests is a big part of romance, and romance is a very important part of a relationship. Without romance, passion does not stay alive for very long, and your marriage will starve — and perhaps die. He needs to know this, so tell him openly and honestly. In fact, show him by being as romantic as you can be. After all, many men learn by watching.

Humans — men and women alike — respond to positive reinforcement, so compliment him when he demonstrates a random act of kindness or romance. Kisses, cuddles and canoodling are ways in which you can say "thank you, honey" with actions as opposed to words. The message you need to give him is this: the more he gives, the more he gets.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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