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Lovelorn Single Laments Loss
Dear John: I am a 28-year-old male. I've recently had a breakup with my girlfriend of seven years. This has been the most painful experience I've ever had.
I deeply love and care for "Linda," but she is now currently dating someone else. I …Read more.
Boyfriend Moves in With Ex
Dear John: I am a college student who has been dating my boyfriend for three years, all of which have been long distance. I am graduating in the next few months and have accepted a job near him. We have plans to get married in the near future.
…Read more.
Professional Affair Upsets Career
Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt.
Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more.
Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target'
Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly.
I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more.
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JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUSDear John: I was widowed a year and a half ago after 14 years of a good marriage and two children, who are now teens. I met someone very special six months ago and have fallen in love with him. My children reacted very negatively to my dating "James." They refuse to meet him. A few months ago, I finally got the entire family together for counseling because I believe the kids haven't grieved the loss of their father as I had. The counselor said it wouldn't be fair to introduce this new person to the kids until they are ready. As it stands now, they claim they will never be ready. Never. James agrees that it would be best to take it slow and iron out things now instead of later. How can I get them to see that we all need to move on in our grief? — Kids in Control in Jackson, Miss. Dear Kids in Control: The only lasting tragedy in the loss of a love is to never love again. Your children do not yet understand this. They are looking for the assurance that your new friendship will not take you away from them. They will not be able to confront their hurt emotions from this loss until you start dating again. At that point, feelings will come out into the open and counseling will be of greater value. These insights are covered in greater detail in my book, "Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One." Dear John: Despite my wife's affair with my best friend, we have both been going to marriage counseling and have nearly completed reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." We are now communicating better than ever, thanks to the book. However, what advice can you offer when the marriage is already broken? Her affair has disrupted two families and still continues to stir emotions that this Martian is not comfortable with.
Dear He's Still Hurt: Although your relationship has gotten better, you have hurt and wounded feelings of betrayal that need to be healed. Feelings are only mended when they are fully felt and heard. Only then can forgiveness can be experienced. You are now hurting the relationship by not forgiving. If you truly love her, take the responsibility to feel your pain so that the love can flow between you again. You can do this by writing a "feeling letter." It includes expressing your anger, hurt, pain, sadness, love and — most importantly — your forgiveness and the happiness you envision for your future together. I wish you the very best in processing your hurt and salvaging your relationship. John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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