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Lovelorn Single Laments Loss
Dear John: I am a 28-year-old male. I've recently had a breakup with my girlfriend of seven years. This has been the most painful experience I've ever had.
I deeply love and care for "Linda," but she is now currently dating someone else. I …Read more.
Boyfriend Moves in With Ex
Dear John: I am a college student who has been dating my boyfriend for three years, all of which have been long distance. I am graduating in the next few months and have accepted a job near him. We have plans to get married in the near future.
…Read more.
Professional Affair Upsets Career
Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt.
Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more.
Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target'
Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly.
I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more.
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JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUSDear John: I know that the time has come for me to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but I have to tell you that saying those words is the hardest thing to do. I know I love her with all my heart, but forever seems like an awfully long time. How can I get over this severe case of cold feet? — Commitment-phobe in Gainesville, Fla. Dear Commitment-phobe: When it comes time to ask for a woman's hand in marriage, getting cold feet is nothing new on Mars. But, from what you've written, it seems as if you recognize that your current partner is mostly likely your soul mate. This recognition is only a glimpse. Although we may feel certain that our partner is right for us, this knowledge can later be doubted or forgotten. To make sure it is lasting, we must acknowledge and commit ourselves to the relationship. By making the commitment to get married, we automatically strengthen and support this recognition. By acting on this feeling and becoming engaged, we make this realization more solid, real and grounded. Besides being one of the most important gifts a man can ever give, a proposal helps to pave the way for a great marriage. On Venus, a proposal is only second to a wedding ceremony itself. At difficult times in the future, it will be helpful to look back to that very special moment and remember how both of you felt when your hearts were innocent, without any baggage, and you sincerely pledged your love to each other. It may happen only once in your life, so it's a good idea to put some extra thought into it. For the rest of her life, a woman will tell the story of how her partner proposed. At this moment, it may seem a little goofy and sentimental to your practical Martian side, but this is one of those times when a man must lead with his heart and not his brain. So, forget those cold feet. If you have found your soul mate, live the life you were meant to live.
Dear John: How can I deal with the ups and downs of living with my guy? One day, he is the wonderful, sensitive man I married. The next day, he is uncommunicative, forgetful or downright rude. Don't get me wrong: I love him very much, but there are times I feel that he's not worthy of my love. — Over Him in Lake Tahoe, Calif. Dear Over Him: The simple truth is that it's easy to fall in love, but staying in love can be far more difficult. We all want love to last. We all want to live happily ever after. No one decides to get married and says to their partner, "Darling, let's live together and have a great sex life for three years, then let's start fighting, feel resentful, have some extramarital affairs and split up." No one falls in love and plans to fall out of love. But it happens, and when it happens to you, it really hurts. If you want a relationship that is better than the one your parents had, and if you want love to work for you, you have to work at it. Start by admitting to yourself that you need to learn how to make love work and that from looking around at everyone you know, you realize that you are not alone. Let go of your pride. Feel the need you have deep inside for more intimacy, appreciation and love. The easiest way to learn is to pretend that you don't know anything about love. Try adopting beginner's awareness as you take this next step. Enriching your relationships is an art and a science, just like building a bridge or playing an instrument. It takes skill and practice and daily application of those skills. Like all arts and sciences, enriching your relationship will seem like a mystery, something impossible to comprehend until you have worked with it long enough to master it. Love comes naturally. Continued devotion takes a lifetime of practice. John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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