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Afraid to Commit at 50 Dear John: I am a 50-year-old single man who owns my own business. Recently, I started seeing a woman who lives nearby. I explained that I saw myself as a loner and in fact, had not had a relationship in the past 15 years. I also said that I felt …Read more. Baby Delivery Drama Dear John: My husband and I are having a baby next month. I'm looking forward to this blessed event, except for one thing: both my mother and my mother-in-law want to be in the delivery room with us. We will be delivering in one of the hospital's …Read more. Maintaining Love Dear John: If you find someone that you're attracted to is it at all possible that you can create a love between you by just working at it? Or is it more a matter of finding that one-and-only right person who has just the right magic to make it all …Read more. Woman in Love With Best Friend Dear John: I'm a 40-year-old woman, and my best friend is a male. "Craig" and I have been friends for three years. Lately, I have been having feelings for Craig that are more than just friendship. Is this normal? He is a man I have trusted …Read more.
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JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

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Dear John: About a week ago, my 7-year-old daughter had a nasty argument with her best friend. Now the friend has taken up with another girl, and my daughter is heartbroken. What's the best way for me to handle this situation? — Caring Mommy in Atlanta

Dear Caring Mommy: Few things are more upsetting to a mother than to see her child snubbed by another. Unfortunately, we cannot force our children to play with someone they don't like; nor can we force others to play with our children.

What we can do, however, is encourage our children to enlarge their circle of friends. First, allow your child to discuss her feelings with you. She must know that you are listening to her and that you empathize with those feelings. Next, ask her about other children she knows. What does she like about them? What games does she play with them? Finally, encourage her to invite them for a play date.

You can also put your daughter into situations where she'll meet others. For example, taking her to your library's local reading hour, or signing her up for an art workshop, a dance class or a peewee soccer league. You cannot create her friendships, but you can create the situations where friendships can occur.

Friends moving in and out of our lives is part of every life experience. As she creates a variety of friendships, she'll learn conflict resolution techniques and ways to demonstrate love and respect to her friends.

Dear John: I'm engaged to be married to a woman that I love with all my heart.

But I have to tell you that with the wedding three months away, she is not only a nervous wreck but she is also seriously starting to drive me crazy. Every day there is a new wedding crisis — the bridesmaid dresses, or the flowers, or the reception hall staff. She was never uptight before, but now she's like a ball of nerves! What can I do to calm her down and restore some sanity to our lives? — Does She have Cold Feet? in Evanston, Ill.

Dear Does She Have Cold Feet?: The most important thing you can do is be supportive of her. It's just a simple fact that on Venus the wedding ceremony and reception is her personal "Super Bowl." To you it's a big day, but it doesn't carry the emotional weight that it does for her. That's OK. You're wired differently, and this won't be the last time that one of you puts more importance on a particular day or event that the other one doesn't fully understand.

Let it be, and love her just the same as you always have. She's not asking you to fix the bridesmaids gowns; she just wants a sympathetic ear and a supportive man, when she needs one by her side.

The run-up to the big day will get increasingly tense. She's caught up in the moment, as she should be. Love her, keep your sense of humor, and one day soon — hopefully, on your honeymoon — you can both look back on all this tension and just smile.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE


Comments

2 Comments | Post Comment
Being female or male has nothing to do with how someone views getting married. I am female and I am appalled at these extravaganzas I see promoted in our culture. I got married in front of a judge, with no fuss and no muss. The important part is what happens afterward. We, as a culture, have socialized our girls from their earliest ages to dream about their "big day," as if that is the nadir of their lives, instead of teaching them how to be complete human beings all by themselves. We need to change that, now.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Lisa McCue
Thu Nov 5, 2009 8:47 AM
Let's not put down the bride who wants a wedding where she wears a ball gown and feels like a princess. I felt that way before TV reality shows (before TV!), before going to any weddings, and without ever playing with Barbie type dolls. It's too bad that people go crazy, spending thousands of dollars on this sort of event, but they think it will be the most wonderful day of their lives together. It might just be.
Comment: #2
Posted by: BB
Thu Nov 5, 2009 9:19 AM
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