Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: The past month or so I've been overly possessive. If my boyfriend talks to another woman, I feel as if he likes her and not me. I am heavy and have been exercising to lose some weight because it might improve how I feel. Help me gain some perspective on this! — Green-Eyed Lady in Calhoun, Ga.

Dear Green-Eyed Lady: Sure, being overweight may make you feel less attractive, but there are millions of slim people who are also insecure in their relationships. Why? Because the biggest underlying cause for insecurity is not how we look, but our perception of ourselves. Do whatever you must to feel good about yourself. If that means losing a few pounds or getting a new haircut or a makeover, then go for it. But don't just scratch the surface.

Your emotional well-being comes from recognizing your accomplishments as well. These are exemplified through the love and appreciation of your family, your friends, your co-workers, and yes, your boyfriend, too. So, hold your head high and start feeling great about yourself!

Dear John: I am 27 and married to a wonderful man. However, two months ago, he cheated on me with someone who I thought was my friend. I can't trust him as much as I used to, and I am feeling guilty for not fully trusting him.

Every time he leaves the house, even if it is to go to work, I feel very nervous and can't help wondering if he will cheat on me again.

I need to know what to do! — His Cheatin' Heart in Waco, Texas

Dear His Cheatin' Heart: Love, trust, passion and commitment are the four most important traits of a long-term, successful relationship. When your husband cheated on you, he broke the trust you had in him. In order for your relationship to survive, he will have to prove that he is once again worthy of your trust. Just as importantly, you will have to allow him the opportunity to do so. This will not be easy for you. It means opening your heart once again to him.

Sit down with him and explain your desire to work things out and your need for his commitment to fidelity. In your message, you must mean it when you say you are ready to move beyond this issue. If he wants a new chance with you, he needs to know that you expect him to demonstrate his commitment in his actions over the long term. If this is accomplished, then in time the two of you can once again grow together in love.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE