Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: I depend more on my girlfriend than I think I should. She does practically everything for me, and of course I appreciate it. It makes my life easier, so why not let her? While I do feel guilty about it, needless to say it bothers her, too. How do you think I can change this? — Lazy Dude in Lodi, Calif.

Dear Lazy Dude: Dependency is a hard thing to judge because it's subjective. What one couple thinks of as a problem of dependency or neediness, another couple may see it as no issue at all.

In your case, your partner concedes with you that you are too needy, which means that addressing this issue now may help things progress between both of you in the future.

An abnormal dependency can be triggered by a variety of factors, most of which may be related to some form of childhood trauma, perhaps a fear of loss, similar to a past experience. You may need professional help to address it and move beyond it, so consider discussing this with a licensed therapist. By investigating the root of your fears and understanding those feelings, you will have a better chance of resolving these issues and move on to pursue a happy and healthy life.

Dear John: My boyfriend "Greg" and I have a great relationship. Our only problem is his ex, who is also the mother of his children. She will not let him go and insists that I stole him from her.

If I try to talk to her, she only wants to fight, which I feel is silly because we are both grown women.

Greg feels it is not his problem and does not want to do anything to try to fix the situation. I think maybe he should try to give her closure on this issue. Am I right? — Need His Support in Fort Myers, Fla.

Dear Need His Support: Greg walked out of her life. This action spoke volumes to his ex, and at this point, anything he says to her will only add more salt to that wound. She is angry, bitter and in pain. Until she chooses to address these feelings, all of you — Greg, his children, his ex and you — will feel her pain as well.

Sure, you might find it comforting if Greg told her to back off, but you should know that he is reluctant to confront her on her treatment of you because he wants to keep his relationship civil for the sake of his kids. This may not be pleasant for you, but that is the reality of your relationship right now. If you and Greg are meant to be together, think of this as a test of your love. Do your best not to make him feel as if he must choose again.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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