Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: My therapist tells me that studies show absolutely no correlation between good marriage and good sex. This seems counterintuitive to me. I understand that it may not be the most important thing in a marriage, but is there evidence of good marriages with bad sex? — Say It Ain't So in Scottsdale, Ariz.

Dear Say It Ain't So: There are several components that make up a successful marriage. These include trust, commitment and love as well as passion, which is motivated by sexual chemistry.

While it is great when all of these forces come together in one relationship, that is not always the case. However, of these four components, passion is the one that a relationship could survive without. Why? Because sexual chemistry naturally ebbs and flows during the course of a long relationship.

However, if a couple loses their feelings of trust, commitment or love, then the union will be irretrievably broken. A great sex life enhances a good marriage, but it won't make a bad marriage succeed.

Dear John: My boyfriend "Ralph" and I only see each other on the weekends because we live in different cities. Ralph and I don't see eye to eye in regards to having contact during the week. I just want to hear his voice because I miss him. He seems to have a strong aversion to the phone and doesn't understand why we need to talk during the week when we already know that we will see each other on the weekend. I am confident that there is nothing he is hiding from me, such as another girlfriend or wife.

Numerous times I have tried to explain that I need to feel connected to him during the week.

Ralph listens to me when I ask for this, but I know he really doesn't understand what I am asking for. What do I need to say to him so that he understands? How could he not miss me during the week? — Single or Double? in Medford, Ore.

Dear Single or Double: A lot of guys are not great telephone communicators. While women value the ability to connect verbally and do so far better with men or other women over the phone, most males are more visual creatures — they are easily distracted and often bored when simply talking. If you know of a home with two teens, one male and one female, observe their phone habits. Most likely the girl can talk for an hour or more about everything that happened during the day, while her brother may use the phone sparingly, only to gather specific information: a time, a plan, a homework assignment.

This may be part of Ralph's personal makeup. If you want to see a change, then encourage him lovingly to make more of an effort. Ask for one call on, say, Wednesday to just "check in" with an "I love you."

Remember one thing: If Ralph calls and spends five minutes with you on a phone call, that is probably twice the time he would spend with anyone else.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE