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Boyfriend Moves in With Ex
Dear John: I am a college student who has been dating my boyfriend for three years, all of which have been long distance. I am graduating in the next few months and have accepted a job near him. We have plans to get married in the near future.
…Read more.
Professional Affair Upsets Career
Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt.
Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more.
Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target'
Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly.
I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more.
Newlyweds Face Divorce
Dear John: Is the first year of marriage the easiest or the hardest? I am a 21-year-old man, and my wife is 19 years old. We're trying hard to make a marriage work, but I don't know if we'll survive beyond the first 12 months. What tips can you give …Read more.
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, October 1Dear John: My fiance and I have been together for over two years. Eight months after we first started dating, I told him how many men I had slept with in the past. I really thought that we could share anything at the time. Now it seems stupid, but I really did believe that! As I was confessing, he didn't try to stop me, and it was many months before he began to talk about how much it bothered him. I found out too late that he is haunted by it. It's hard for me to accept that he has a "double standard" for men and women. His past was more "wild" than mine, but he is struggling so much with the idea of marrying someone who, 15 years ago (I am 35 now), engaged in "casual sex" and was "not the kind of girl you marry." What should I do now? — The Truth Hurts ME in Chicago Dear The Truth Hurts ME: You're right. The "double standard" doesn't wash. As a fully functioning adult, you had — and have — a right to live your life as you see fit, which is something he has done as well. You describe him as your "fiance." Are you sure he really sees himself in that role? He's signaling that, should you marry, he may always use this issue against you. I think it's time for a heart-to-heart discussion in which you both honestly discuss your future expectations.
Dear John: The man I am attracted to once said to me: "The most dangerous thing in the world is a woman who knows her own power." How can I make this man want me? I am very attracted to him, but I feel that he is controlling our relationship, and I would like to take back some of the control. I think he knows how I feel about him because I have been pretty open about it. What is the best way to attract him and keep him attracted? — Out in the Open in New York, N.Y. Dear Out in the Open: His declaration — and subsequent actions — is his way of signaling that he will always choose women who will bend to his needs, no matter what their own needs may be. If you seek a relationship in which both partners feel free to openly discuss their feelings and needs, it's probably wise to look elsewhere. John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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