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JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: Help! I am 41 years old and divorced. My potential date is 46 years old and he is also divorced. I hate, hate, hate first dates! What can I do to make it more enjoyable for the both of us? What should I talk about? What shouldn't I talk …Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: From what your other readers write, am I so unusual in that I am not threatened by my husband's (admittedly occasional) viewing of pornography? I have encouraged my husband to feel free to view porn at his leisure. I have to admit I didn'…Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: I have a 17-year-old daughter who will soon graduate from high school. She has been seeing this 21-year-old guy for six months. They broke up for a week, but now they are together again. He moved down state and she is living up with her …Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: My husband, "Charles," and I are in our 30s. We've been married for six years and have three children. I'm a stay-at-home mom and Charles has a job that gives him a sense of accomplishment. Charles recently reconnected with Jane,…Read more.
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, October 1

Dear John: My fiance and I have been together for over two years. Eight months after we first started dating, I told him how many men I had slept with in the past. I really thought that we could share anything at the time. Now it seems stupid, but I really did believe that!

As I was confessing, he didn't try to stop me, and it was many months before he began to talk about how much it bothered him. I found out too late that he is haunted by it. It's hard for me to accept that he has a "double standard" for men and women. His past was more "wild" than mine, but he is struggling so much with the idea of marrying someone who, 15 years ago (I am 35 now), engaged in "casual sex" and was "not the kind of girl you marry." What should I do now? — The Truth Hurts ME in Chicago

Dear The Truth Hurts ME: You're right. The "double standard" doesn't wash. As a fully functioning adult, you had — and have — a right to live your life as you see fit, which is something he has done as well.

You describe him as your "fiance." Are you sure he really sees himself in that role? He's signaling that, should you marry, he may always use this issue against you.

I think it's time for a heart-to-heart discussion in which you both honestly discuss your future expectations.

Don't be surprised if he wants to call off the engagement. If so, consider yourself lucky. You'd be better off with someone who can recognize that each of us has a past, a present and a future — and wants to spend that future with you, free from any past transgressions.

Dear John: The man I am attracted to once said to me: "The most dangerous thing in the world is a woman who knows her own power." How can I make this man want me? I am very attracted to him, but I feel that he is controlling our relationship, and I would like to take back some of the control.

I think he knows how I feel about him because I have been pretty open about it. What is the best way to attract him and keep him attracted? — Out in the Open in New York, N.Y.

Dear Out in the Open: His declaration — and subsequent actions — is his way of signaling that he will always choose women who will bend to his needs, no matter what their own needs may be. If you seek a relationship in which both partners feel free to openly discuss their feelings and needs, it's probably wise to look elsewhere.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE


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