Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: My husband and I have only been married for eight months. However, since hunting season has started, he's been in the woods seven days a week—which means none of our bills are getting paid. He doesn't want me to work, but there is not enough money to feed the kids.

I have one child and he has three, so his absence means he spends no time with any of them. I love him more than anything in this world, but I didn't marry him to be his maid and live-in baby sitter. I try to talk to him about it, but he just blows up. What are my options? — Running Scared in St. Augustine, Fla.

Dear Running Scared: First of all, if you feel that you need a job to improve the financial picture for you and your child, then start working. No angry declaration is needed, just do it. Second, if he can't talk without getting angry, write him a note that states what you need in order for this marriage to work.

You may want to consider a brief separation while he considers your issues. It is his move to choose if he wants to take on the responsibility of a wife and a family, or if he simply wants to keep hunting. If he prefers the deer to his dear family, then do yourself a favor and head for the hills.

Dear John: Getting over my fiance "Bart" was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It took me years before I could truly move on. We went our separate ways, but I always missed him. Then last year, Bart got in touch with me. It was supposed to be a simple hello, a gesture toward friendship. We immediately slipped back into our old habits, including a passionate intimacy.

Generally, if I'm not in a committed relationship, I would never be intimate with someone, but I find it nearly impossible not to make love to someone that I'm in love with.

Our non-committed intimacy has gone on for a year now. My friends fear I am in a "booty call" situation. I'm getting to a point where I need to define this relationship. When he's with me, it doesn't feel like a booty call because he romances me, wines and dines me, initiates ways to be with me and tells me what he loves about me. But our time together is infrequent due, he says, to work demands.

I know I need to talk with him and find out what he feels. I'm getting there, but what do you think is going on? Could he be moving slowly, or is he using me until something "better" comes along? — Been There, Done That in Henderson, Nev.

Dear Been There: From what you write, this relationship works perfectly fine for him and not at all for you. It's time to come clean by letting him know what you want. Be specific. If he does not feel he can offer it, you will know it because his actions will speak volumes, and you will go your separate ways.

Remember: You are always in control — as long as you want to be. When you give up that control by staying in a relationship that is less than what you want, you delay your chances of finding what you really need.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE