Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: My girlfriend "Anne" and I have been together for a year, and we have lived together for most of that time. Anne's ex-boyfriend, "Jeff," has been a constant obstacle in our relationship. He has our phone number and calls frequently, as much as three or four times a day.

In the past, Anne has cheated on me with him, although she claims she doesn't want to get back together with Jeff. But she doesn't want Jeff completely out of her life because he is very attached to Anne's two kids. Anne says that she hopes that eventually they can be "just friends." I don't understand this at all! Is there is real potential for us? — Upset Boyfriend in Phoenix

Dear Upset Boyfriend: Anne is stringing both of you along. It's her way of keeping her options open. Frankly, it's not fair to either one of you, and is probably quite confusing to the children as well.

Tell her you need a commitment, but don't hold your breath that she is willing to make it. You've got a lot to offer some woman. Unfortunately, that woman is probably not Anne.

At this point, it would be wise for you to go back out there and find someone who can appreciate your love, and who is willing to return it to you with equal devotion.

Dear John: Recently, my husband of eight years has honestly told me that he wants to be with other women.

He does not want to sneak around, and that is why he told me. In fact, he wants us to "enjoy this experience" together.

My imagination is running wild. I keep thinking that he wants her by himself, and that he only told me, so that if I ever found out, I couldn't accuse him of cheating because he's always been honest and straightforward with me. — Not His One and Only in Cupertino, Calif.

Dear Not His One and Only: You signed on for a monogamous loving relationship. Your husband has decided that this is more than what he wants to give you. Just because he's been "up front" with you doesn't mean that his decision is any more honorable, or any more acceptable to you.

You've got a choice. You can keep quiet and put up with his open infidelity, or you can tell him that his decision isn't acceptable to you. Offer him, if you wish, the chance to go into couples counseling, or tell him that it is time that you go your separate ways. You deserve trust and commitment in your relationship, and at this point, it seems doubtful that you're going to find this with him.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE