JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by John Gray on Creators.com

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Professional Affair Upsets Career Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt. Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more. Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target' Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly. I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more. Newlyweds Face Divorce Dear John: Is the first year of marriage the easiest or the hardest? I am a 21-year-old man, and my wife is 19 years old. We're trying hard to make a marriage work, but I don't know if we'll survive beyond the first 12 months. What tips can you give …Read more. BFF May Lose More Than Morals in Vegas Dear John: I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding for a BFF. Before the big day, we'll all be going to Las Vegas. I have mixed feelings about this, because I know that the bride sees this as an opportunity for a "last fling." Her excuse is that she …Read more.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, July 2

Dear John: Recently I had my annual appointment with my gynecologist, whom I've had for several years. The examination seemed to be a little more intimate this time. It felt wrong, yet, at the same time, wonderful! Now I can't seem to get my doctor off my mind. I know he's been wondering about me as well. Neither one of us is married and I'd like to pursue this hunch. What's you take on this? — More than a Feeling, in Pittsburgh, Pa.

Dear More than a Feeling: A word of caution: Many women either fantasize or develop intimate attachments to their doctors. After all, he sees you as few men do. That's not to say that there wasn't some chemistry between the two of you. If you want to follow up on this feeling, it's only fair, to both of you, that you discontinue being his patient. Of course, if it turns out you were wrong, you lose him as a doctor.

Before making this decision, you may want to sense out his availability. Ask him to meet you for a cup of coffee. While making conversation, you can ask what he did over the weekend, and then ask if he shared that experience with someone who is special to him. If he also feels the attraction, there is a good chance you'll get a clear sign. If your hunch is right, let him know that you are switching doctors, and let fate take its course.

Dear John: After 14 years of marriage, my husband and I separated six months back. I just read your book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and he is reading it now as well.

He told me he feels like his "rubber band" was stretched so far that it broke and he doesn't know how to fix it or how to return. Can this be so? — Still Hoping, in Decatur, Ga

Dear Still Hoping: It's certainly a good sign that he is reading up on ways in which the two of you can work things out. I'd also suggest that he go to a licensed marriage counselor, so that finds the support he needs in sorting out his feelings.

From what you say, at this time, he may possibly be asking for both time and space in order to think things through. Let him know that he has this. Be it three or six months, a separation will allow him to remember why he was in love with you in the first place. At the same time, you will be regaining the sense of independence that you once had. He needs to know that you are capable of having a happy life without him. Don't be needy and don't make him feel that your happiness depends upon his return. As he sees that you are capable of making yourself happy, his attraction to you will grow stronger. Then, like the rubber band, he may indeed snap back, and the choice to welcome him back or go your own way will be easier for you to make.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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