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JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: The man I'm seeing was really hosed by his wife; she had an affair, begged for forgiveness and then continued the affair. She even set him up to find her in the marriage bed with the other guy. This was about 18 months ago. This guy is SO …Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: Help! I am 41 years old and divorced. My potential date is 46 years old and he is also divorced. I hate, hate, hate first dates! What can I do to make it more enjoyable for the both of us? What should I talk about? What shouldn't I talk …Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: From what your other readers write, am I so unusual in that I am not threatened by my husband's (admittedly occasional) viewing of pornography? I have encouraged my husband to feel free to view porn at his leisure. I have to admit I didn'…Read more. JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS Dear John: I have a 17-year-old daughter who will soon graduate from high school. She has been seeing this 21-year-old guy for six months. They broke up for a week, but now they are together again. He moved down state and she is living up with her …Read more.
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, June 21

Dear John: I am a 20-year-old college co-ed. I've had a couple of (short- term) boyfriends and physical encounters with guys, but nothing special. I have this big fear of inadequacy — that when I finally meet someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, that I'll be terribly inexperienced and he'll wonder why, and reject me. This fear fuels me to do things I wouldn't normally do — just so I can get some "experience" in the bedroom. Am I being totally irrational? — Shy Girl, in Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Shy Girl: The fact that you've waited this long only says that you cherish the act of love-making, so don't worry about your experience.

It's easier for a man to embrace a woman who has less sexual experience than one who has more. Why? Because that makes it easier for him to feel successful in bed. It also makes him feel special about her, because she's allowing him to go where no man (or few men) have gone before. We give very few meaningful gifts in our lifetimes. This is yours, and when the right guy comes along, it will be appreciated.

Dear John: I had an affair with my husband's best friend.

My husband found out about it. We now don't speak, although I'm very sorry it happened. Except, I have to admit it: I enjoyed the sex more in my affair than I have for some time now with my husband.

While my husband shows he's willing to let bygones be bygones by showering me with gifts, I miss the joy I felt during my affair. Is this marriage worth saving? — You Decide for Me, in San Diego, Calif.

Dear You Decide for Me: Sorry, but no: This is your call, not mine.

Your first step is to take accountability for your actions. Remember, you are not the victim here. After all, it was you who cheated on your husband, and not the other way around.

Affairs are easy because there are no obligations. On the other hand, marriages are hard work. So ask this great guy for his forgiveness. Then work on your marriage, just like he is, although he's still in pain. At this point, if you choose to leave it, all you'll prove is that you don't have what it takes to make this — or any — relationship work: loyalty, trustworthiness and the abilities to know what you want, communicate your needs and admit when you are wrong.


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John Gray
Nov. `09
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