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Professional Affair Upsets Career
Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt.
Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more.
Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target'
Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly.
I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more.
Newlyweds Face Divorce
Dear John: Is the first year of marriage the easiest or the hardest? I am a 21-year-old man, and my wife is 19 years old. We're trying hard to make a marriage work, but I don't know if we'll survive beyond the first 12 months. What tips can you give …Read more.
BFF May Lose More Than Morals in Vegas
Dear John: I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding for a BFF. Before the big day, we'll all be going to Las Vegas. I have mixed feelings about this, because I know that the bride sees this as an opportunity for a "last fling." Her excuse is that she …Read more.
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, June 21Dear John: I am a 20-year-old college co-ed. I've had a couple of (short- term) boyfriends and physical encounters with guys, but nothing special. I have this big fear of inadequacy — that when I finally meet someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, that I'll be terribly inexperienced and he'll wonder why, and reject me. This fear fuels me to do things I wouldn't normally do — just so I can get some "experience" in the bedroom. Am I being totally irrational? — Shy Girl, in Atlanta, Ga. Dear Shy Girl: The fact that you've waited this long only says that you cherish the act of love-making, so don't worry about your experience. It's easier for a man to embrace a woman who has less sexual experience than one who has more. Why? Because that makes it easier for him to feel successful in bed. It also makes him feel special about her, because she's allowing him to go where no man (or few men) have gone before. We give very few meaningful gifts in our lifetimes. This is yours, and when the right guy comes along, it will be appreciated. Dear John: I had an affair with my husband's best friend.
While my husband shows he's willing to let bygones be bygones by showering me with gifts, I miss the joy I felt during my affair. Is this marriage worth saving? — You Decide for Me, in San Diego, Calif. Dear You Decide for Me: Sorry, but no: This is your call, not mine. Your first step is to take accountability for your actions. Remember, you are not the victim here. After all, it was you who cheated on your husband, and not the other way around. Affairs are easy because there are no obligations. On the other hand, marriages are hard work. So ask this great guy for his forgiveness. Then work on your marriage, just like he is, although he's still in pain. At this point, if you choose to leave it, all you'll prove is that you don't have what it takes to make this — or any — relationship work: loyalty, trustworthiness and the abilities to know what you want, communicate your needs and admit when you are wrong.
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