JOHN GRAY'S MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by John Gray on Creators.com

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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, May 21

Dear John: I met "Dave" five months ago, through an online dating service. We got along immediately. We have been dating each other exclusively since then.

However, because of our work schedules and the distance between us, we have only one 24-hour date each weekend, although he also calls me every night.

Dave has never told me that he loves me, and he has admitted that he has a problem with ongoing intimate relationships. What bothers me more is the fact that his online profile remains active, which means that he is still receiving e-mails from other women seeking him out. I have told him several times that this bothers me. After each of these conversations, Larry has said that he will drop the online profile because he has no reason to continue looking. But when I check, it is always still there. It seems clear to me that his need to keep "shopping around" speaks volumes about where his heart is (or isn't). He thinks we get along great and he gives me lots of compliments, but I am ready to bail. — Say It Please, in Providence, R.I.

Dear Say It Please: You've informed Dave of your feelings for him, and you need reassurance that what the two of you have is in fact an exclusive relationship. Let him know that your stated goals are still a priority to you, and that you plan on dating others who may offer you the exclusivity you seek.

Then do just that. Should he recognize the possibility that he may lose you, it may finally prompt him to remove his online profile. Until then, as I've said to readers on prior occasions, actions speak louder than words in or out of cyberspace.

Dear John: I'm dating a very sweet guy. My problem is that he's very large, and because of this, he doesn't seem to care about his appearance! I would like to introduce him to my friends, but am a little embarrassed about his clothes.

Is there a nice way to express my feelings without hurting his? — Embarrassed, in Santa Barbara, Calif.

Dear Embarrassed: I can certainly empathize with your unease, but if you look at the big picture (no pun intended) I think you would agree that true friends should be more concerned with how he treats you than his sense of style, so don't let that become an issue between the two of you.

Martians are usually less aware — and less concerned — with fashion than Venusians. The good news is that if he's like most of the guys I know, I don't think he'll be opposed to a little help in this regard.

At some point, roam through a store's men's department with him. Stop at a sweater or shirt table and point to an example of something that would be "a great color" on him, or pause at a pants rack and exclaim that a particular pair would be "a flattering cut" on him. Ask him to try them on. If he hesitates, explain that you just want to admire him in it, just for the fun of it. When he comes out of the dressing room, say to him: "Now, that looks great!" However, don't push him to buy the clothes. That has to come from him.

If and when you determine that the relationship is a keeper, your "special occasion" gifts to him can be clothing items. In time, he'll learn to appreciate your taste and be flattered that you like seeing him in his new clothes. Best yet, he'll ask your opinion before he goes shopping.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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