Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: I'm dating "Larry." Unfortunately, he seems to have a bad drinking problem. Although he won't acknowledge this, Larry feels tremendous guilt from his father's battle with senility, and the distant relationship he has with his children from a broken marriage. He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but I always seem to be last on the list. He doesn't call for several days at a time. When he does call, sometimes he'll say he's with his children or father, but he's not: He's sitting in a bar. I was in a 14-year marriage that was mentally abusive. I really care about this guy, but it's the situation where my heart tells me one thing, the mind something else. I think I know what the answer will be; I just need someone else to put this in perspective for me. — Preparing for the Worst, in, Tupelo, Miss.

Dear Preparing: Here's my two cents: Larry may be feeling down about his troubles, but he won't find the answers he's looking for at the bottom of an empty whiskey glass. You know that. Deep down inside, so does he. You may have tried to tell him this, but unless he is willing to accept this and do something about it, nothing will change, and yes, you'll be wasting your time trying to make him into something that he is not yet ready to be. Say goodbye. If you're in the wrong relationship, getting out of it frees you to be ready when the right relationship comes along. And you don't want to miss out on that. Sure, there's always the possibility that he may realize he's lost you, and this may finally be the catalyst for his change.

Still, I'd suggest that you don't wait around to find out when or if that ever happens.

Dear John: "Christopher" and I have been living together for four years. About three months ago, a friend called and told me that he has been stealing from me, namely my jewelry, which is quite an extensive collection. This is the unthinkable! Worst yet, this "friend" squealed on Christopher out of revenge: She's been sleeping with him, and he promised her cash and didn't deliver. Should I dump him without any further thought, or is there hope for a thief in a relationship? He says he is very ashamed, and that he loves me, and would like to make it up to me. But I would feel like such a fool if it were to happen again. What do you think? — Benefit of the Doubt, in Scranton, Pa.

Dear Benefit of the Doubt: Actions speak louder than words. This guy is not trustworthy, and you would be unwise in the extreme to allow him back into your life.

I'm sure there were other times during those three years in which he was unfaithful or dishonest. The writing was on the wall, and it wasn't in hieroglyphics. Why did you choose to ignore it then? Probably for the same reason you would ignore it now: You have issues with your own self-esteem. Christopher is a bad habit, one you need to break now. Take care of that first, and then put the focus on you and your needs.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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