Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: The woman I love, "Sally," is currently in a relationship with another man, but she insists he is not "the right one." The last time I saw her, I wanted to tell her or show her how I feel about her. We had a very nice evening. We talked for hours, and she showed me many photos from her childhood. From time to time she came very close to me, and we touched.

Well, I asked her if I could stay. She hesitated before she said yes. I then told her that I only wanted to take her in my arms, and that was OK with her and so we did. Soon it became more intense: We began to touch and she seemed to enjoy it. But when I tried to kiss her, she told me I had to leave. Of course, I did.

My question: Did I go too far? Should I now wait until she calls me, or is it OK for me to call her? If not, how long should I wait for her? — Blew It, in Lake of the Ozarks, Mo.

Dear Blew It: Congratulate yourself on doing what any considerate man would do: You continued to explore your attraction. You moved ahead in a gentle, respectful manner; but when you got a clear "no" signal, you honored it and backed away.

All couples go through a discovery process in order to get closer. Women have a natural instinct for the timing of a relationship. Men, on the other hand, want to get to the "goal" right away and will try to speed up the process, only to realize their mistake when it is too late.

At some point, a woman may feel that it is time to slow down. This does not indicate that she wants him to quit pursuing, but to pause — for an hour, an evening, or several days. You handled the situation correctly. Now, follow your next instinct: Give her another call. My guess is that she is waiting to hear from you.

Dear John: I met "Frank" when he replied to my posting on an Internet singles site.

He is 40 and has never been married before. To make things really complicated, he lives on the other side of the world.

So far, we've met twice this year, and we really enjoyed each other's company. Encouraged by others' stories of love and marriage via the Internet, I'm trusting our relationship would lead to marriage. Like me, I think Frank is open to the idea of a committed future with me, but his attitude only lasts as long as we are together. Unfortunately, most of the time, like right now, we are far apart. But I can't afford to jump on a plane and appear on his doorstep whenever the urge hits — although I would if I had the money. What should I do? — Loving from Afar, in St. Augustine, Fla.

Dear Long Distance: While the world is indeed becoming a "global village," the distance between you and your new friend would be a true test of any relationship — new or seasoned, platonic or otherwise.

The concept that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" only works in established relationships, when daily trials and tribulations will strengthen a couple's commitment. E-pals just don't have this same opportunity.

Your comment, that his attitude "only lasts as long as we are together," indicates that he has other interests and opportunities. Should you move faster than he toward commitment, you'll certainly scare him away.

Don't be too dependent on him. Instead, establish other relationships so that he is one of many in your life. Over time, should his desire for you grow, together you'll commit to that next — and most necessary — step and bring your two worlds closer together.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2007 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

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