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Boyfriend Moves in With Ex
Dear John: I am a college student who has been dating my boyfriend for three years, all of which have been long distance. I am graduating in the next few months and have accepted a job near him. We have plans to get married in the near future.
…Read more.
Professional Affair Upsets Career
Dear John: I've been having an affair with "Jack," a married co-worker, for three years. We both knew it was wrong, but a relationship started, then cooled off out of guilt.
Jack has been nervous around me lately. Currently, we've both …Read more.
Woman Worries She Was an 'Easy Target'
Dear John: I've just ended an abusive marriage. After leaving my husband, I have started seeing a man who is about five years younger than me, and once again, I have gotten burned pretty badly.
I think he saw me as an easy target because of my …Read more.
Newlyweds Face Divorce
Dear John: Is the first year of marriage the easiest or the hardest? I am a 21-year-old man, and my wife is 19 years old. We're trying hard to make a marriage work, but I don't know if we'll survive beyond the first 12 months. What tips can you give …Read more.
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From VenusDear John: My sister lives with a man who is wildly jealous and demanding. She doesn't realize she is in an abusive relationship. Since she has never been in one before, she does not recognize the signs. Well, I have. And the extreme jealousy shown by her boyfriend is not normal and may be an important warning sign of a potentially abusive man. For example, she's already given up many of the activities and friends she enjoyed, just for him. And if he can't get everything he wants (and he never does), he is very likely to become verbally and physically abusive. Am I right? — Been There, Done That, in Durham, N.C. Dear Been There, Done That: Well said. Many thanks for elaborating on a possibly bad situation. Those who have never been abused do not recognize these signs that may show themselves over time. The abused always thinks, "Is it me? What did I do?" and unknowingly takes the blame. What they should be thinking is, "It's not me. It's you, and it's time to move on." Dear John: I've just ended my second marriage.
Dear Two Strikes: At different stages in your life, you are going to have different needs. It sounds as if, at this stage of your life, you are looking for a serious relationship. Rushing to intimacy as a way to determine whether a relationship will develop into something long-term is not smart. I warn readers about this in my book "Mars and Venus on a Date." Time is the determining factor in whether someone is right or wrong for you. So, if you're intent on looking long-term, hold off. Go through the first two steps of dating — Attraction and Uncertainty — before moving on to Exclusivity, Intimacy and Commitment. In other words, give yourself time to let your certainty grow. By doing this, when the right time comes, you'll know it.
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