creators home
creators.com lifestyle web
John Gray

Recently

Temper Problems Causing Tiffs With Girlfriend Dear John: My girlfriend claims I am very argumentative — which I am. Needless to say, we fight constantly. Sometimes, though, I feel as if she is picking on me and that I have to defend myself. She says it's no use arguing with her, because …Read more. Divorce Is a Painful Experience Dear John: I have been divorced for two years now. I did not want the divorce, so it was a particularly painful experience. My ex-husband still attends my family gatherings. And it hurts every time I see him! Although my children are from another …Read more. Physical Relationship With Co-Worker Becoming Complicated Dear John: A couple of months after starting a new job, one of my colleagues and I got physically involved after an office party. Unfortunately, now he has informed me that he is steadily seeing someone else. Still, he'd like us to "stay friends." …Read more. Husband Trying to Make Amends for Mistakes Dear John: I'm a 41-year-old man married for 16 years to a great woman. Unfortunately, many times during our marriage, I have lied to her regarding simple matters, because I thought they were no big deal, and I didn't want to get her angry. For …Read more.
more articles

How Long Should a Couple Date Before Marriage?

Comment

Dear John: I've been going out with someone for three months, and now we are engaged. I want to know if that is going too fast? Everyone I've talked to harasses me about this. But I believe that once you love someone, no one's opinion matters except his and your own. Is it right to think that? — Needing Assurance in Greenwood, Ind.

Dear Needing: Whenever couples find each other and form a strong bond quickly, the first thought others have is, "Uh-oh, they're rushing into this." You may indeed be moving too fast, but on the other hand, two hearts that recognize a shared strong attraction can come together quickly and share a bond that lasts a lifetime.

The two of you know the closeness and the intimacy that you share better than all the others you know combined. But the truth is that in love, just like in life, there are no sure bets. This bond is tested daily in the trials and tribulations that couples face as they go through the five phases of dating: attraction, doubt, exclusivity, intimacy and commitment.

My suggestion: Take the time to follow your hearts and your instincts and go where they lead you.

Dear John: I have been with my boyfriend for four years now, but for about a year, he has become more distant. We always used to touch and hug, but now that he has gained some weight, he feels he is unattractive.

I have repeatedly told him that this doesn't matter to me and that I love him, but nothing is working.

What can I do to help alleviate his fears? — Worried About My Guy in Augusta, Maine

Dear Worried: If this is really about feeling less attractive because of some weight gain, then it's time easy to tackle this issue. The best way is with a plan to get into better shape together.

After all, there's a real chance that being heavier makes him feel less sexy and perhaps a little hesitant to initiate intimacy. People often get down and depressed about weight gain, and there is a myth that this reaction is limited to women. Not so. Men, as I suspect you know, can take great pride in their appearance. But while people allow themselves to feel down about being out of shape, they don't take the needed steps to change.

To help him get started, take walks with him and talk about eating healthier meals by eating more at home. And by all means, avoid the trap waiting for most of us inside fast-food restaurants. Ten or 15 pounds later, you should see a real change. If not, there may be other issues on his mind. Hopefully, your weightiest issue is simply whatever is on his plate.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at comments@marsvenusliving.com. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE



Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
Um, I'd be very careful about how I "talk about eating healthier meals". The guy's already feeling less confident about himself. You can tell him you're concerned about your own health; that you've made a decision that you want to avoid fast food because you're concerned about your ffamily's history of high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. You can say you're interested in learning to cook. You can say you want to use locally grown, fresh food, and invite him to help you carry the stuff you buy from farmer's markets or ask him to help you use up all the produce from your CSA. You can ask him to keep you company on your walks. You can say that the walks help you sleep better, give you more energy etc. than watching TV or surfing the net.

I think you can invite him to do this stuff with you, and it opens the door for him to say, "Yeah, I've been wanting to eat healthier, too" -- and bingo, you're able to change some of those "I's" to "we's". But until he's on board, you can't just up & say, "WE need to eat more sprouts" "What? Burger King AGAIN?" or "WE need to start exercising more."

Comment: #1
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri May 27, 2011 8:56 AM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
John Gray
Apr. `14
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
30 31 1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 1 2 3
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month