Husband Doesn't Talk About His Worries Dear John: My husband, "Max," will not talk about things that worry him. I guess he thinks if he doesn't talk about them, everything will be all right. There is no touching in our marriage, no sex, no romance. I love him, and I know he loves me. He …Read more. Boyfriend's Laziness in Academics Is Bothersome Dear John: It bothers me that my boyfriend, "Austin," is having trouble finishing up his undergraduate degree. I don't care as much about the diploma as I do his lack of energy in finishing what he has already started. I know Austin is highly …Read more. Marriage at a Dead End Dear John: My wife "Linda" and I are approaching our 19th anniversary. We are at a dead end in our relationship. We are both in our mid-40s, with high-pressure professional careers: Linda is a director of human resources, and I am a professor of …Read more. Ex-Husband Paying More Attention to New Family Dear John: My ex-husband "Ruben" got married one year after we divorced. We have two boys ages 16 and 20. The older son doesn't have much to do with his father. Our younger son sees him about once every month. After dating this woman for two months, …Read more.more articles
How Long Should a Couple Date Before Marriage?
Dear John: I've been going out with someone for three months, and now we are engaged. I want to know if that is going too fast? Everyone I've talked to harasses me about this. But I believe that once you love someone, no one's opinion matters except his and your own. Is it right to think that? — Needing Assurance in Greenwood, Ind.
Dear Needing: Whenever couples find each other and form a strong bond quickly, the first thought others have is, "Uh-oh, they're rushing into this." You may indeed be moving too fast, but on the other hand, two hearts that recognize a shared strong attraction can come together quickly and share a bond that lasts a lifetime.
The two of you know the closeness and the intimacy that you share better than all the others you know combined. But the truth is that in love, just like in life, there are no sure bets. This bond is tested daily in the trials and tribulations that couples face as they go through the five phases of dating: attraction, doubt, exclusivity, intimacy and commitment.
My suggestion: Take the time to follow your hearts and your instincts and go where they lead you.
Dear John: I have been with my boyfriend for four years now, but for about a year, he has become more distant. We always used to touch and hug, but now that he has gained some weight, he feels he is unattractive.
I have repeatedly told him that this doesn't matter to me and that I love him, but nothing is working.
Dear Worried: If this is really about feeling less attractive because of some weight gain, then it's time easy to tackle this issue. The best way is with a plan to get into better shape together.
After all, there's a real chance that being heavier makes him feel less sexy and perhaps a little hesitant to initiate intimacy. People often get down and depressed about weight gain, and there is a myth that this reaction is limited to women. Not so. Men, as I suspect you know, can take great pride in their appearance. But while people allow themselves to feel down about being out of shape, they don't take the needed steps to change.
To help him get started, take walks with him and talk about eating healthier meals by eating more at home. And by all means, avoid the trap waiting for most of us inside fast-food restaurants. Ten or 15 pounds later, you should see a real change. If not, there may be other issues on his mind. Hopefully, your weightiest issue is simply whatever is on his plate.
John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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