creators home lifestyle web
John Gray


How Much Does Hair Have to Do With a Person's Attractiveness? Dear John: How does hair color and style contribute to how much a person would find a potential partner attractive? Considering the amount of money hair care companies spend on creating new products, such as dyes, relaxants, shampoos, styling gels …Read more. Stepson Has Problematic Girlfriend Dear John: My 24-year-old stepson recently introduced us to his new girlfriend. She is 12 years older than him, which makes her just 10 years younger than my husband and me. She's loud and a big flirt who knows no boundaries. In fact, she has even …Read more. Threesome Tension Dear John: Recently, my husband shared with me that he would like to have a threesome with another female. I know this is pretty much a fantasy many guys have. After stating this, he said he would leave it up to me if it happened or not. And now, I'…Read more. Unhealthy Attraction Dear John: I have a crush on a woman at my work. She is several years older than I am, and is married with two kids. I know that this is an unhealthy attraction. The trouble is, I don't know how to fall out of love with her. I'm extremely shy around …Read more.
more articles

How Long Should a Couple Date Before Marriage?


Dear John: I've been going out with someone for three months, and now we are engaged. I want to know if that is going too fast? Everyone I've talked to harasses me about this. But I believe that once you love someone, no one's opinion matters except his and your own. Is it right to think that? — Needing Assurance in Greenwood, Ind.

Dear Needing: Whenever couples find each other and form a strong bond quickly, the first thought others have is, "Uh-oh, they're rushing into this." You may indeed be moving too fast, but on the other hand, two hearts that recognize a shared strong attraction can come together quickly and share a bond that lasts a lifetime.

The two of you know the closeness and the intimacy that you share better than all the others you know combined. But the truth is that in love, just like in life, there are no sure bets. This bond is tested daily in the trials and tribulations that couples face as they go through the five phases of dating: attraction, doubt, exclusivity, intimacy and commitment.

My suggestion: Take the time to follow your hearts and your instincts and go where they lead you.

Dear John: I have been with my boyfriend for four years now, but for about a year, he has become more distant. We always used to touch and hug, but now that he has gained some weight, he feels he is unattractive.

I have repeatedly told him that this doesn't matter to me and that I love him, but nothing is working.

What can I do to help alleviate his fears? — Worried About My Guy in Augusta, Maine

Dear Worried: If this is really about feeling less attractive because of some weight gain, then it's time easy to tackle this issue. The best way is with a plan to get into better shape together.

After all, there's a real chance that being heavier makes him feel less sexy and perhaps a little hesitant to initiate intimacy. People often get down and depressed about weight gain, and there is a myth that this reaction is limited to women. Not so. Men, as I suspect you know, can take great pride in their appearance. But while people allow themselves to feel down about being out of shape, they don't take the needed steps to change.

To help him get started, take walks with him and talk about eating healthier meals by eating more at home. And by all means, avoid the trap waiting for most of us inside fast-food restaurants. Ten or 15 pounds later, you should see a real change. If not, there may be other issues on his mind. Hopefully, your weightiest issue is simply whatever is on his plate.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website,, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at



1 Comments | Post Comment
Um, I'd be very careful about how I "talk about eating healthier meals". The guy's already feeling less confident about himself. You can tell him you're concerned about your own health; that you've made a decision that you want to avoid fast food because you're concerned about your ffamily's history of high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. You can say you're interested in learning to cook. You can say you want to use locally grown, fresh food, and invite him to help you carry the stuff you buy from farmer's markets or ask him to help you use up all the produce from your CSA. You can ask him to keep you company on your walks. You can say that the walks help you sleep better, give you more energy etc. than watching TV or surfing the net.

I think you can invite him to do this stuff with you, and it opens the door for him to say, "Yeah, I've been wanting to eat healthier, too" -- and bingo, you're able to change some of those "I's" to "we's". But until he's on board, you can't just up & say, "WE need to eat more sprouts" "What? Burger King AGAIN?" or "WE need to start exercising more."

Comment: #1
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri May 27, 2011 8:56 AM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right: comments policy
John Gray
May. `14
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
27 28 29 30 1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month