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Maintaining Love
Dear John: If you find someone that you're attracted to is it at all possible that you can create a love between you by just working at it? Or is it more a matter of finding that one-and-only right person who has just the right magic to make it all …Read more.
Woman in Love With Best Friend
Dear John: I'm a 40-year-old woman, and my best friend is a male. "Craig" and I have been friends for three years. Lately, I have been having feelings for Craig that are more than just friendship. Is this normal? He is a man I have trusted …Read more.
Woman Afraid Friend Will Sleep With Her Brother
Dear John: My friend, "Jodi," recently ended a long-term relationship. Her boyfriend had no respect for her and often cheated on her. Needless to say, Jodi makes it a point to be checked out for STDs. She told me this in confidence, and …Read more.
Woman Ponders if She Should Pay
Dear John: I am going out with a lovely gentleman. He happily pays the bill whenever we go out. Sometimes I felt guilty because I'd like to share the expenses. Is it a good idea to bring the topic up? I feel it may ruin the attraction at this early …Read more.
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Doubting Girlfriend Goes Through Boyfriend's MailDear John: I know I'm supposed to trust my boyfriend, but I've been lied to so many times in my life that I'm not sure I can trust anyone. I recently went through Mike's old mail, and I found notes from an old girlfriend. He pretty much told me about her, but there are some key things he didn't mention. For example, he said he hadn't been in a serious relationship for over a year prior to meeting me, yet these notes clearly indicate that he was with her two weeks before we met. I don't want to tell him I was going through his personal correspondence, but how do I explain my concern? I thought he was the person I could really trust. —What Should I Do Now?, in Buffalo, N.Y. Dear Do Now: There is a world of difference between telling the truth about feelings and telling the truth about circumstances. In Mike's mind, he feels he wasn't serious about this other woman, or anyone, for a long period of time. In order to signal his availability to you, he told what is commonly called a "little white lie"— similar to any omission you might make to him regarding your perusal of his old correspondence. There are two larger issues here: First, why did you feel compelled to go through his personal things? Secondly, why does he feel the need to be careful in how and what he says to you? Perhaps he senses your lack of trust and therefore he created this white lie rather than deal with the issue openly. If you are unsure about the relationship, don't snoop, rather try the honest approach of saying, "I'm just not ready for this commitment yet." If, as you say, you recognize his good intentions, it's time you demonstrate your trust, both in your actions and words.
Dear John: My ex wife is pregnant and is getting married next month. This has really rocked me! We have been divorced for over a year, and I have a lot of emotions over this. I know I am truly over the relationship, but I have avoided any contact or thoughts of reconciliation, and I can tell that I am in for a long period of pain. —Not Ready, in Longview, Texas Dear Not Ready: Clearly, for you, the healing process has not been completed. So many people don't fully heal from a loss because they find ways of avoiding their feelings. Many people move from one relationship to another, denying totally the pain of their loss. Because she appears to be getting the love and support you are missing in your life right now, you are interpreting her gain as your loss. It's time to confront your feelings, which may include anger, sadness and fear for the loss of this relationship. The only way you will be able to open your heart to true and lasting love is to openly confront your loss, process that loss and then move on. John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at comments@marsvenus.com. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2011 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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