Husband Doesn't Talk About His Worries Dear John: My husband, "Max," will not talk about things that worry him. I guess he thinks if he doesn't talk about them, everything will be all right. There is no touching in our marriage, no sex, no romance. I love him, and I know he loves me. He …Read more. Boyfriend's Laziness in Academics Is Bothersome Dear John: It bothers me that my boyfriend, "Austin," is having trouble finishing up his undergraduate degree. I don't care as much about the diploma as I do his lack of energy in finishing what he has already started. I know Austin is highly …Read more. Marriage at a Dead End Dear John: My wife "Linda" and I are approaching our 19th anniversary. We are at a dead end in our relationship. We are both in our mid-40s, with high-pressure professional careers: Linda is a director of human resources, and I am a professor of …Read more. Ex-Husband Paying More Attention to New Family Dear John: My ex-husband "Ruben" got married one year after we divorced. We have two boys ages 16 and 20. The older son doesn't have much to do with his father. Our younger son sees him about once every month. After dating this woman for two months, …Read more.more articles
Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Hear About Ex
Dear John, After a long marriage to a drug addict, I found the courage to leave. Although I am no longer in love with him, I do wish him all the best, just without me in the picture. My grown daughter resents my leaving. My grown son, however, is trying to stay connected to both of us.
I love both of them very much, and, of course, I still have some feelings for their father after 20 years of marriage. Now I'm finally happy, in love with a wonderful man, whom I plan to marry soon. The problem is that whenever my ex's name is mentioned, Erik's mood changes. He doesn't want to hear my ex's name, and he starts telling me to choose. I don't understand where this is all coming from! Erik would prefer that I never talk about my ex, almost like he never existed. How can I do this after so many years? I hope to someday have a civil relationship with my ex. I'd also like to reach a point in which we could finally have some closure and set boundaries for a friendship. Is it right for Erik to say, "Choose?" —Need to Know, in St. George, Utah
Dear Need to Know, A Martian lives to fix the problems of his Venusian love. In your case, the biggest issue you have is something that he will never be able to repair for you: The closure you need in your past relationship.
From now on, don't talk to Erik about that issue. He's heard enough. Instead, talk to a friend who is willing to listen. Better yet, consider discussing the situation with a counselor. You can find one who is knowledgeable about substance abuse issues through a variety of non-profit organizations.
Dear John, I have been divorced for 20 years, and only recently did I decide to date again. I am 60 and the man I love is 64. We are not youngsters; however, we are both romantic and young at heart.
The problem: I am looking for a committed partner who is willing to share this life, although not necessarily in marriage. On the other hand, he has been married three times and wants us to just enjoy each other whenever we can, without any heavy commitment. Because of this difference of opinion, I have "ended it" half a dozen times. After awhile, being a sensible woman who realizes that life is short, I cave in, thinking, "Why should I not take advantage of a good thing, even if it isn't perfect?" But inevitably, the commitment problem flares up again. —Unsure, in Tulsa, Okla.
Whether you're 16, 36 or 60, there are no certainties in life, so if you have indeed found a relationship that makes you happy, I recommend that you enjoy your time together and count every minute of it as a blessing — even if it comes with no long-term promises and no strings attached. However, if you need commitment in order to be happy, face up to the fact that you won't get commitment from him and look for it elsewhere. There is no guarantee that you will find it, but you'll enjoy the discovery process.
2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.