Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: I have been with this man, "Ted," for three years. He has never told me that he loves me. He doesn't do any of the things he used to do for me, and he hasn't shown any romantic inclination in as long as I can remember.

We now have a 1-year-old baby girl. He's very attached to her, and I feel very jealous of the love and attention he shows her. I am in love with him and will try anything to work things out, but I'm really at the end of my rope waiting for him to realize this. It hurts to be in love with a man who doesn't love me back. —His Baby Mama, in Chapel Hill, N.C.

Dear Baby Mama: It's a good sign your partner is showing affection for the baby. As for his lack of affection for you, often this behavior is the result of growing up with a father who demonstrated little love and passion for his own life partner. Could this be Ted's background?

Take time to explore your feelings of jealousy over the love Ted gives your baby. Ask yourself: Why do I feel deprived? In what ways do I feel as though I'm missing out? Have I been communicating my needs to him?

So many women assume that, if a man loves them, he will do loving things and act in a loving manner. Of course, this is not always the case. It's easy to ask for simple things, such as, "Please pass the salt?" But we hesitate to ask for the things that matter most to us. Requesting a hug or asking to hear the words, "I love you." It's time to ask for what you need.

Do it in a positive manner that demonstrates you, too, have love to give him. Don't be afraid to communicate these needs. This may be a long process, but if you support him in feeling loved, you too will get the love and support you need and deserve.

Dear John: I am getting divorced after 28 years of what I thought was a good marriage. I am 52, and it would be helpful to know what one can do to increase the odds of finding a lasting soul mate. I realize, of course, that there are never any guarantees, but I'm looking for some reassurance here! — Looking for Mr. Right Again, in Syracuse, N.Y.

Dear Looking Again: The process of finding your soul mate is hit-and-miss. Still, with a little knowledge of human behavior, you can attract and recognize your soul mate when he comes along.

As I write in "Mars and Venus on a Date," there are five stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and engagement. Both partners move through each stage, although not necessarily at the same time.

If a person is indeed your soul mate, patience and love will be the balancing criteria to get both parties to that final stage together — and hopefully, keep them there forever.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE