Waiting for the L Word Dear John, The man I'm seeing is a very caring and positive person, and I enjoy being with him. I care about him, but I am not sure if the feeling is mutual because he has never said "I love you." I do not want to let go, but because of …Read more. Rocky Relationship With Kids Involved Dear John, I have been with Adam for over three years. Our relationship runs hot and cold. We both have children from prior marriages, and we have set schedules with our spouses concerning the children, but sometimes that doesn't work. For example, …Read more. Concern Over Husband's Drug Use Dear John, My husband and I have a good relationship, but just one problem concerns me: He is a drug user. This happens whenever he goes out with his friends. Once, at a party, he used Ecstasy. Whenever I warn him that his use of various drugs may …Read more. Choosing Between a Spouse and the Other Woman Dear John, Although I am married, I have done without love and romance for years. Recently I met Cindy, who has rekindled feelings that I had repressed. It is like a new awakening for me! Feelings that I thought were lost have returned. The problem …Read more.more articles
Baby Mama Doesn't Receive Affection From Lover
Dear John: I have been with this man, "Ted," for three years. He has never told me that he loves me. He doesn't do any of the things he used to do for me, and he hasn't shown any romantic inclination in as long as I can remember.
We now have a 1-year-old baby girl. He's very attached to her, and I feel very jealous of the love and attention he shows her. I am in love with him and will try anything to work things out, but I'm really at the end of my rope waiting for him to realize this. It hurts to be in love with a man who doesn't love me back. —His Baby Mama, in Chapel Hill, N.C.
Dear Baby Mama: It's a good sign your partner is showing affection for the baby. As for his lack of affection for you, often this behavior is the result of growing up with a father who demonstrated little love and passion for his own life partner. Could this be Ted's background?
Take time to explore your feelings of jealousy over the love Ted gives your baby. Ask yourself: Why do I feel deprived? In what ways do I feel as though I'm missing out? Have I been communicating my needs to him?
So many women assume that, if a man loves them, he will do loving things and act in a loving manner. Of course, this is not always the case. It's easy to ask for simple things, such as, "Please pass the salt?" But we hesitate to ask for the things that matter most to us. Requesting a hug or asking to hear the words, "I love you." It's time to ask for what you need.
Dear John: I am getting divorced after 28 years of what I thought was a good marriage. I am 52, and it would be helpful to know what one can do to increase the odds of finding a lasting soul mate. I realize, of course, that there are never any guarantees, but I'm looking for some reassurance here! — Looking for Mr. Right Again, in Syracuse, N.Y.
Dear Looking Again: The process of finding your soul mate is hit-and-miss. Still, with a little knowledge of human behavior, you can attract and recognize your soul mate when he comes along.
As I write in "Mars and Venus on a Date," there are five stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and engagement. Both partners move through each stage, although not necessarily at the same time.
If a person is indeed your soul mate, patience and love will be the balancing criteria to get both parties to that final stage together — and hopefully, keep them there forever.
John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: email@example.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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