Husband Doesn't Talk About His Worries Dear John: My husband, "Max," will not talk about things that worry him. I guess he thinks if he doesn't talk about them, everything will be all right. There is no touching in our marriage, no sex, no romance. I love him, and I know he loves me. He …Read more. Boyfriend's Laziness in Academics Is Bothersome Dear John: It bothers me that my boyfriend, "Austin," is having trouble finishing up his undergraduate degree. I don't care as much about the diploma as I do his lack of energy in finishing what he has already started. I know Austin is highly …Read more. Marriage at a Dead End Dear John: My wife "Linda" and I are approaching our 19th anniversary. We are at a dead end in our relationship. We are both in our mid-40s, with high-pressure professional careers: Linda is a director of human resources, and I am a professor of …Read more. Ex-Husband Paying More Attention to New Family Dear John: My ex-husband "Ruben" got married one year after we divorced. We have two boys ages 16 and 20. The older son doesn't have much to do with his father. Our younger son sees him about once every month. After dating this woman for two months, …Read more.more articles
Addicted to Dating Married Men
Dear John: I seem to be addicted to the excitement of having affairs with married men. Is this possible? I have had one very serious affair, which resulted in us having a daughter who is now 4 years old. We were together for six years, and he was married to someone else that entire time. I am now having another affair with a man 17 years my senior, who also claims to be "happily married." I am 27. Why do I keep doing this? —Needing to Change, in Kansas City, Mo.
Dear Needing to Change: You most likely have a fear of intimacy. This behavior works as an emotional protection mechanism: You assume that a relationship will lead to abandonment, so to save yourself from any possible pain, you consciously choose men who cannot give you a full-time commitment.
Like any addictive behavior, the first step is to acknowledge that you have this tendency, and it appears that you now realize that. Consider counseling to help you through the feelings that lie at the bottom of your fear of intimacy and to learn techniques that will help you break this pattern so that you can begin a new and more fulfilling chapter of your life
Dear John: I recently became involved with a great guy who is both sweet and gentle.
Dear Love Him But: Many men are quieter than their partner's. Often this provides a necessary balance in a relationship. However, from what you describe, you may be the feeling pressure to "carry" the relationship — and after a while, the partner carrying this burden finds the relationship unfulfilling. If this is the case, do yourself a favor and date him, but date others, too. By doing so, you'll better determine if you like taking the lead or enjoy sharing that role with someone else.
John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: firstname.lastname@example.org. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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