Unhealthy Attraction Dear John: I have a crush on a woman at my work. She is several years older than I am, and is married with two kids. I know that this is an unhealthy attraction. The trouble is, I don't know how to fall out of love with her. I'm extremely shy around …Read more. Temper Problems Causing Tiffs With Girlfriend Dear John: My girlfriend claims I am very argumentative — which I am. Needless to say, we fight constantly. Sometimes, though, I feel as if she is picking on me and that I have to defend myself. She says it's no use arguing with her, because …Read more. Divorce Is a Painful Experience Dear John: I have been divorced for two years now. I did not want the divorce, so it was a particularly painful experience. My ex-husband still attends my family gatherings. And it hurts every time I see him! Although my children are from another …Read more. Physical Relationship With Co-Worker Becoming Complicated Dear John: A couple of months after starting a new job, one of my colleagues and I got physically involved after an office party. Unfortunately, now he has informed me that he is steadily seeing someone else. Still, he'd like us to "stay friends." …Read more.more articles
Addicted to Dating Married Men
Dear John: I seem to be addicted to the excitement of having affairs with married men. Is this possible? I have had one very serious affair, which resulted in us having a daughter who is now 4 years old. We were together for six years, and he was married to someone else that entire time. I am now having another affair with a man 17 years my senior, who also claims to be "happily married." I am 27. Why do I keep doing this? —Needing to Change, in Kansas City, Mo.
Dear Needing to Change: You most likely have a fear of intimacy. This behavior works as an emotional protection mechanism: You assume that a relationship will lead to abandonment, so to save yourself from any possible pain, you consciously choose men who cannot give you a full-time commitment.
Like any addictive behavior, the first step is to acknowledge that you have this tendency, and it appears that you now realize that. Consider counseling to help you through the feelings that lie at the bottom of your fear of intimacy and to learn techniques that will help you break this pattern so that you can begin a new and more fulfilling chapter of your life
Dear John: I recently became involved with a great guy who is both sweet and gentle.
Dear Love Him But: Many men are quieter than their partner's. Often this provides a necessary balance in a relationship. However, from what you describe, you may be the feeling pressure to "carry" the relationship — and after a while, the partner carrying this burden finds the relationship unfulfilling. If this is the case, do yourself a favor and date him, but date others, too. By doing so, you'll better determine if you like taking the lead or enjoy sharing that role with someone else.
John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: email@example.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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