Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John: I'm a divorced mother with two children, ages 10 and 14. I was in a relationship with "Mark" for the past seven years. Although it did not lead to marriage, I was happy. Mark, however, never wanted to introduce me to his family. He claimed that they would not accept me because of my children. (He is an only child and has never been married.) This was at the root of all of our arguments.

He decided that the pressure of our relationship was causing him health problems and therefore it was best that we not see each other anymore. I am really devastated and depressed about this. Why can't I accept this change in my life? Mark continues to tell me he will love me forever. How can a relationship break up if two people still love each other? —So Many Questions, in Washington, D.C.

Dear Questions: Just because we love someone does not necessarily make him or her the ideal person for us. Although sad and sometimes tragic, this is the simple truth.

Mark's health, I suspect, is not the real reason he broke off the relationship. Knowing, as you do, that most of your arguments revolved around his inability to accept your children, you must realize that this might be the real — however unstated — reason.

Your children are indeed an integral and important part of your life. With this in mind, can you honestly say that he is the right person for you? Sometimes the mind knows when we should move on, even if the heart won't easily let us. Until you have healed your hurt, you will not allow another man to get close to you. Start the healing process now. Recognize and accept the differences between the two of you, and know that the right person for you will be willing to accept all the wonderful things you have to offer — including the sacred bond you have with your children.

Dear John: After I've dated a woman for a couple of months, it seems as if she suddenly has an endless series of problems.

Dear Woe is Her: No, you're not attracting the wrong woman. This is a trait shared by all Venusians. On Venus, when a woman feels close to you, she wants to communicate her feelings. It is her way of sharing.

Likewise, when men hear these problems, the "Mr. Fix-It" inside of them jumps up and says: "If you're telling me about a problem, you must want me to fix it."

If you ever want to take a relationship to a more committed level, you are going to have to accept the reality that a woman who cares for you wants to be able to communicate with you. This could mean telling you that she had a wonderful day at work, or it could mean that her day was filled with problems.

Should the latter occur, recognize that voice inside you that says, "Fix it, or you're not worthy" and turn down the volume. Then, simply be patient and listen to her. That's what she's really looking for you to do.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE