Inside Relationships by Jan Denise

If you love your partner and want to have sex more often, chances are you feel like something is missing in your relationship.

Part of the solution is finding time for sex. You read the headlines while you put cream in your coffee. You manage to get dinner delivered by pushing two buttons on your phone. And you've found a drive-through wash and wax en route from the office. But, you haven't figured out how to fit sex into your routine.

Maybe you don't want sex to be routine!

It's not just a lack of time or planning; it's a lack of motivation. You up the ante, and the motivation, when you realize that sex is a chance to identify and add what's missing in your relationship. Going for it is still a challenge, though ... one that's easier to meet with practice, which can require some discipline. You have to make it a priority.

It was easier when you were infatuated and devoting every waking moment to each other. When "real life" kicks in, things inevitably get in the way. One's late, the other one's tired, the kids ARE, life is full.

Start where you are, and use what you have. If he's tired and you're not, you can take it personally and feel rejected; or you can take charge. If the in-laws show up, you can be miserable; or you can take a powder for 10 minutes, and let them see you happy! If the meeting is cancelled, you can rush to the office anyway; or you can linger in bed.

Sex doesn't have to be the same every time ... and if it is, you'll find yourself having it less often!

SELF magazine introduces a sex pyramid this month. Think food pyramid — only you look at six sex groups and decide how to stack them up, based on personal preference and lifestyle: Intimate, Adventurous, Electric, Apologetic, Take-Charge and Solo.

Sex gives us permission to play rough and tenderly, to be sappy and romantic, poetic, irrational, strong and vulnerable, conciliatory, responsible, zealous and heroic, to take and to be taken.

We can lay it all out there.

I recently listened to Anne Murray's "Just Another Woman In Love" (lyrics by Patti Ryan and Wanda Mallet). It always struck a nerve, but this time it made me cry.

I'm strong, I'm sure, I'm in control, a lady with a plan

Believing that life is a neat little package I hold in my hand

I've got it together, they call me "the girl who knows just what to say and do"

Still I fumble and fall, run into the wall, 'cause when it comes to you, I'm

Just another woman in love, a kid out of school

A fire out of control, just another fool

You touch me and I'm weak, I'm a feather in the wind

And I can't wait to feel you touching me again

With you I'm just another woman, just another woman in love

For too many years I knew how to let go "in love," but not in life. Passion is a glorious gift, a tool to learn about integrating all the aspects of who you are. The next challenge is to carry what you learn into the rest of life!

Your sex diet really is like your food diet, inasmuch as it can be a vital part of your physical, emotional and spiritual health.

If something's missing in your relationship — or your life — let sex help you identify it and add it. "Getting a little" can go a long way.

Jan Denise is a columnist, author of the just released "Innately Good: Dispelling the Myth That You're Not" and "Naked Relationships," speaker and consultant based in McIntosh, Fla. Please e-mail her at jandenise@nakedrelationships.com, or visit her website at www.nakedrelationships.com. To find out more about Jan Denise, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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