Inside Relationships from Creators Syndicate

Love of Your Life or Infatuation? for 07/10/2009

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Remember the first time you fell in love? Nothing else mattered! Because for the moment, love made it all disappear.

Life would be simpler if we could lie down and wait for a magical kiss — or even one of Cupid's arrows — and then walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I had my heart set on something more closely resembling that than what I got; but as it turns ...

Updated: Fri Jul 10, 2009

More Settled … and Less Sexual? for 07/17/2009

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

With baby boomers scurrying to remain youthful and sexy, we don't hear a lot about waning sexual desire. And regardless of age, the media might have you convinced that you're supposed to want sex more than you do.

The truth is, according to findings shared with me by Tamar Krishnamurti, a graduate student at Carnegie Mellon University, and George Loewenstein, a professor at CMU: 1) As we ...

Updated: Fri Jul 17, 2009

Slow Down the Clock for 07/24/2009

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

As I mentioned last week, we can't stop the aging process; but we can slow it down … and appreciate the blessing of time.

A few wrinkles (OK, eventually, a lot of wrinkles) are a small price to pay for what matters on the other side of what doesn't. Seems we have to learn for ourselves that money can't buy love and that we can't really love others until we've learned to love our ...

Updated: Fri Jul 24, 2009

See What Lurks Beyond Your Own Drama for 07/31/2009

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you?

I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I'd later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why.

Bob was a psychologist — still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating — in ...

Updated: Fri Jul 31, 2009

Risk Everything or Nothing? for 08/07/2009

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

She's a good person, which is hard to find. And she's ready, but I'm not sure she's the one … and I don't feel like I can afford another divorce. Do I risk everything?

When you commit to somebody — especially for better or worse, til death do you part — there's an inherent risk. And it can feel as though you risk everything: Self-esteem, reputation, meaningful relati ...

Updated: Fri Aug 07, 2009

Learn From Sex, Apply to Life for 08/14/2009

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

If you love your partner and want to have sex more often, chances are you feel like something is missing in your relationship.

Part of the solution is finding time for sex. You read the headlines while you put cream in your coffee. You manage to get dinner delivered by pushing two buttons on your phone. And you've found a drive-through wash and wax en route from the office. But, you have ...

Updated: Fri Aug 14, 2009

Men Don't Say Anything, They Just Leave for 08/21/2009

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

You anxiously open an e-mail from a friend you haven't heard from since she got married six months ago. It pokes fun at men … and contradicts all that giggling praise you heard about her "shining star."

Why do we shift our focus from what we're grateful for to what irritates us? Often we're complaining about such petty things as toilet seats and toothpaste caps!

Once we ...

Updated: Fri Aug 21, 2009

Forgiveness is Freedom to Fly for 08/28/2009

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Tears ran down her face as she asked me, "How do I forgive myself?"

Forgiveness is a critical step toward a healthy life, and you can only take it after you've had the courage to face the truth. It's easier to move on — just not in a positive direction — while you're still lying to yourself about what you did or who's to blame.

If lying to yourself s ...

Updated: Fri Aug 28, 2009

What Are You Doing to Your Child? for 09/04/2009

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

When you hold a newborn baby, you sense something God-like … I dare say, even if you're an atheist. A baby is untainted, sacred, perfect!

It's important to hold that thought because incessant crying can get old, questions can grow monotonous, and running after a toddler can be a full-time job. That's not really the problem, though; the problem is that you already have a full-time job. Th ...

Updated: Fri Sep 04, 2009

'Safe' Strategy Is Your Downfall for 09/11/2009

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

We've all tried to put what we hoped a hot prospect would see as our "best foot" forward, while trying to hide our "worst foot." Predictably, we fall on our face.

If we want an enduring relationship, we have to stand on our own two feet, the truth of who we are, for better or worse. There's nothing more liberating or satisfying, but that's a little known — or ex ...

Updated: Fri Sep 11, 2009

Treat Problem, Not Symptoms for 09/18/2009

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I am in desperate need of some advice. I feel that my marriage is going downhill fast and I want to save it. Let me tell you the story.

A couple of years ago, I accidentally found e-mails that my husband was sending to an old girlfriend he wanted to meet up with. He told her a ton of lies about our relationship. I confronted him, and everything has been going OK.

But now he is ...

Updated: Fri Sep 18, 2009

Lousy Segments Make for Good Life for 09/25/2009

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Often we're so engrossed in snippets of our lives that we fail to see the big picture; but life, directed by the mother of all directors, has a way of bringing the pieces together.

Think of your favorite movie. It's tough to find a single segment that conveys the message of the whole; individual pieces range from blissful to horrifying. And it takes all of the pieces to create a great mo ...

Updated: Fri Sep 25, 2009

FWB: Friends With Benefits, or Blinders for 10/02/2009

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

I just explained to my husband that "friends with benefits" refers to friends who have sex. But in a recent study, college students needed no explanation; 60 percent of those surveyed have had this type of relationship.

Sex, the thing that traditionally distinguished a friendship from a romantic relationship, is now up for grabs.

And I'm getting e-mails from those who wa ...

Updated: Fri Oct 02, 2009

Excuses 101: There is No Good Excuse for 10/09/2009

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Because of the economic crisis, excuses are probably more assumed than they've ever been in your lifetime. That is, unless you survived the stock market crash of 1929; in which case, your age is another convenient excuse.

You can hide behind too old, too young, not enough money or no time, but there is no good excuse.

If there is something you want to do that you are not doing, al ...

Updated: Fri Oct 09, 2009

Sex Whys Versus Relationship Why for 10/16/2009

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Despite all our science, many men still talk about what women want as though it's beyond their comprehension. In light of new research, perhaps some of it's because men confuse what women want from a long-term relationship with what they want from sex!

Despite all of our political correctness and sexual liberation, maybe society as a whole still makes a more ready distinction between sex ...

Updated: Fri Oct 16, 2009

Whether You Stay or Walk, Love Well for 10/23/2009

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams.

To walk away from what we hoped — and promised — would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we're cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it's right and if it's necessary.

How do we know?

Updated: Fri Oct 23, 2009

Eight Types of Love -- One is Perfect for 10/30/2009

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

"How could he … he said he loved me," she eked out between sobs.

Do you feel more empathy for the guy who changed his mind, or the girl left trying to reconcile the guy's words with his actions?

Male or female, you've probably been smitten and thought you were in love, only to decide it could never work. Our emotions — which we expect to waver — prioritize di ...

Updated: Fri Oct 30, 2009

Attention: The Currency You Forget to Budget for 11/06/2009

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

You can start your day with what seems like an unlimited supply of attention — the thing your sweetheart, boss and the media are all vying for — and still end your day with zip on automatic pilot in front of the TV.

Sadly, that means not giving the most important people in your life the attention they want, and probably not getting the attention you want from them.

In ...

Updated: Fri Nov 06, 2009

Mirror Reflects Hunger Within for 11/13/2009

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Two out of three Americans are overweight, making obesity the second leading cause of preventable death. Instead of eating less, we spend $35 billion a year on weight loss products.

We're not stupid; we're in pain. We have an emptiness, a yearning, a hunger … and we're doing our damnedest to satisfy it with food. We can't.

So, what is this hunger, and how can we satisfy i ...

Updated: Fri Nov 13, 2009

Lose Weight, Change Your Life for 11/20/2009

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Last week I asked: How would your life change if you were to lose weight and satisfy the hunger that food can't?

To help answer the question, I also posed it to Keith Ahrens, the man I introduced last week, who lost 200 pounds, became a fitness trainer and wrote his memoir "Outrunning My Shadow."

"I wish I had a video camera when I see someone I haven't seen in a fe ...

Updated: Fri Nov 20, 2009