Hey, Cherie! by Cherie Bennett

Hey, Cherie! I love to read your column because you don't talk down to teens, and I usually agree with your advice. Here is my situation. I'm sixteen. My parents had me late in life, and they are the age of most of my friend's grandparents. That's not really the problem, but they are stuck in the 60s like some kind of weird time warp. My dad is nearly bald, but he has this scraggly gray ponytail that he refuses to cut. My mom has long, frizzy gray hair. She doesn't pluck her eyebrows or shave anywhere (if you get what I mean). Plus, she has some hairs on her chin. I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but it's gross and embarrassing. She says she believes in being natural and not conforming to America's "plastic standard of beauty." Both of my parents get their clothes at Good Will, and our old house is falling apart. They both went to big universities, and my mom even has a master's degree. But five years ago, they left good jobs, and we moved to this small town. They opened a vegan all-natural store, and it's not very successful. Did you ever taste a mung sprout muffin? Well, evidently no one else wants to taste one either.

They expect me to go to college (on student loans because they can't afford to help me) and to become an educated person and "do something meaningful with my life." That is a direct quote. I just do not get them at all. I care about how I look. They look like they never got the memo that Woodstock is ancient history. I don't think being poor when you don't have to be poor is noble, especially when it means they can't afford to help me financially with college, but they expect me to go anyway. Then I will graduate and be, like, a zillion dollars in debt because of their choices. I feel like if they took a little pride in how they look and didn't see it as some sort of political statement, the change on the outside might help change them on the inside. I don't want to hurt their feelings because I love them a lot. They are good people and also really kind. I don't want to sound all superficial, so I don't know how to change things in my family. What is your advice? —Stuck in the 60s

Hey, Stuck! Mung sprout muffins? What exactly is a "mung", and what does it sprout? (Readers, help me out here!) Now cinnamon almond muffins are so good that — oh wait. You didn't ask me about muffins. My bad. The carb monster took over my brain there for a mo'. OK, there is more good news here than bad, and even when I point out why, you might not appreciate it until sometime in the future when you're closer to, say, middle age spread than puberty. My mom was the opposite of yours.

Your parents were and are people before they became parents. They get to make their own choices about hairstyles and lifestyles, unless those choices actually harm you, and as I found out myself — embarrassment doesn't count. To have parents who love each other, love you, care about the planet and are genuinely good, kind people is an incredible gift. When I was holding my mom's hand, and she was leaving me, all I could think about was how much I wanted her to stay, how much she loved me, and how that love was so much stronger, and would last so much longer than those childhood moments of embarrassment when my mom had to be the center of attention. Love without end, amen. One last thing: You could do a fun beauty thing with mom with all-natural products. Call it a bonding moment. And you should tell her about the hairs on her chin thing. It could be that her eyesight isn't sharp enough to see them or she lacks the vanity to notice. 'Kay, wait. One more last thing. I do think it's OK to discuss college and student loans and your concerns with them. Working on that together gives a whole new meaning to Family Planning.

Hey, Cherie! I am 12. I have to share a bathroom with my brother. He is 11. He doesn't lift the toilet seat up when he pees, and there is pee everywhere, and it is so gross I want to barf. This one time after I yelled at him for being a disgusting pig, he left the toilet seat up on purpose, so when I got up in the middle of the night to pee I didn't realize it, sat on the toilet and literally fell in. He ran in, snapped on the light and took my picture with his phone. I am ready to kill him, seriously. He shows the photo to all his friends. We are responsible for keeping our bathroom clean, and my parents say we have to work this out between us. —Grossed Out

Hey, Grossed Out! Talk to your bro calmly, tell him he needs to be respectful that he's sharing a bathroom and behave according. This won't work, of course, but it's the mature thing to do. After that, I'd go on calculated offense. Every time you find pee where pee should not be, wipe it up with one of his t-shirts, then put said t-shirt under his covers. I think you have a good shot at actual de tente after about the third go-round. Look up de tente . When your bro goes running to your parentals about this, you'll at least impress them with your vocabulary.

Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books for teens and young adults. Visit her website at www.cheriebennett.com. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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