Hey, Cherie! by Cherie Bennett

Hey Cherie!

I'm not exactly sure how to explain my problem because when I tell you what happened, you'll think it's a good thing like everyone else. I'm 16. I was a skinny kid, but around age 11, I started gaining weight. A lot of people in my family are overweight; some are very fat. My parents got divorced when I was 11, and I had a lot of bad feelings about it when my dad left, but I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings because I could see how miserable she was. So I just told her I was fine and acted happy all the time to make her feel better, and she believed me. But that's when I started sneaking food, eating privately late at night, stuff like that. It was the only thing that calmed me and made me feel better. My older brother, who could always eat a ton of food and not gain weight, continued to eat a ton of food (much more than I ate even when I was sneaking food!), but he never gained a pound. Well, in this last year, I changed my life and my eating with the help of my church and an amazing youth pastor. In a year, I lost 50 pounds and now I am so much healthier and a normal weight. I am so much happier and healthier, and I have a big sense of accomplishment. Also I am a lot cuter and, honestly, that means a lot. The other day, I said to my brother, "Aren't you proud of me?" or something like that. He said it was good I had lost weight because he found fat "repulsive." That's literally what he said. "Repulsive." We have a little sister, age 6, who is a darling little butterball. Our dad is very overweight. Our mom is not, but she struggles with it all the time and is obsessed with staying thin. When my brother said what he said, I felt like he had slapped our family and me across the face. Does this mean he thought I was "repulsive" for years? Or that our sister and our dad are "repulsive"? I cried for days after that, and I was so depressed. My brother said he was just telling the truth. Ever since he said that, it's been harder for me not to sneak food again or eat to make myself feel better. I don't want to go back to how I was. But my brother doesn't even think he did anything wrong. Now that I'm thin, why did it hurt so much? —Mini Me

Hey, Mini Me!

Your email didn't say where you're from, but I live in LA, and if you live close by, please bring your big bro over so we can use him for one of those "hit the target with a beanbag and the guy falls into the water tank" contraptions. Over and over and over. Oh wait, I'm the adult in the room, I'm supposed to be all wise here. OK, so after we use the dunk tank thing ... I don't know your bro. Two possibilities: 1.) He is not mature enough to understand how and why what he said was so hurtful and/or 2.) He has so much unexpressed rage, depression, hostility, fear because he, too, is just a kid, dealing with the fallout of your parents' marriage ending. From a political point of view, let me say that fat is one of the last acceptable prejudices.

Like, substitute the word "black" or "Jewish" or "Muslim" for "fat." Jews are repulsive. Blacks are repulsive. Um, I don't think we'd find that ok. But he gets away with saying "fat is repulsive" because we live in a world where the bias against size is hidden behind the emphasis on fitness. Fitness is good. But some larger people are much more "fit" than some skinny people. Your family is deeply in need of family counseling. Discuss this with your youth pastor. Hopefully he or she will recommend someone. Make it clear to your mom how much you need and want this, how good it could be for your family, and I'm hoping she'll agree. If she doesn't, write me again, and with your permission, I'll write to her directly and explain in more detail. You, Gorgeous, Cool, Amazing, Insightful One, were not "repulsive when you weighed 50 more pounds anymore than you are "repulsive" now. However, what your bro said, and his attitude, is repulsive. But he can change. Your family can communicate, be honest, and become much closer. This is what I wish for you. Your whole family should read my novel LIFE IN THE FAT LANE. Sometimes books can get through to people more easily than a lecture. Please stay in touch. And may I add: You rock!

Hey, Cherie!

I'm 13. We were moving, and I wanted to look really cute for my new school, so I went to where my mom gets her hair done to get a new hairstyle. I showed her a photo of Rihanna and said that's how I want my hair. Well, when she finished, my hair was super short on one side and bush on the other side, and I looked like a circus freak! So then she used a flat iron and made the hair that was left straight, but it lasted maybe an hour and if it's humid out, it goes curly and frizzy right away. Plus, one side is still super short! I cry every single day. Even my mom agrees it looks terrible, but she says there is nothing we can do until it grows out. I start at my new school right after New Year's, and I will be the new laughing stock of the school. Help!! —Hair Horror

Hey, Hair!

Sounds like mom's hairdresser didn't consider the texture of your hair when she gave you that cut. And there's not much you can do with bald-on-one-side until it grows out. So let me introduce you to the wonderful world of very inexpensive pull-through hairpieces. The most inexpensive place I know to buy 'em is a mail order called Beauty Trends. The synthetic hairpieces are made by Revlon. You put 'em on and there are wholes in the cap to pull your own hair through and blend it. They are so lightweight, you won't even feel like it's on. And because your own hair is integrated, it won't feel like a "wig." When I was sick and lost my hair (another story — I'll wait while you shed a tear for me. Kay, much better), I was so freaked and then I found this solution. It works beautifully as your hair is growing in. I promise you they are natural-looking, and no one will know. Hopefully mom will buy you one so you can give it a try before starting school. I DO understand how the 'do has become a big "don't" for starting a new school, which is a toughie no matter what. Hope this helps. One last thing. My hair grew back in, healthier than it was before. And so will yours.

Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books for teens and young adults. Visit her website at www.cheriebennett.com. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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