Hey, Cherie! by Cherie Bennett

Hey, Cherie!

I have a problem with pets. It's not that I don't like animals. I love animals so much. The problem is my parents are crazy for animals, and everyone knows it. Like people who don't even know us know it. Well, we had two cats, Mittens and Muffins (my brother named them, he is six) and we thought Mittens was a girl, but he was a boy, and so then Mittens and Muffins and six kittens, and we gave one to my best friend who lives a block away, but we kept the other five because we fell in love with them. They are so cute! And besides, how would you like it if your parent had six kids and then they decided that was too many and gave one away, and what if that one was you? Oh, also we already had two dogs, a bird that talks but not in English, three rabbits and gerbils.

Well, word got around and in the past few months, people have started dropping their animals off at our house and just left them! My parents don't want to take the pets to a shelter because you never know what will happen! Last week, a very large, gray dog was left on our porch with its leash tied to the post, and this dog looks so sad, and it didn't take us long to figure out he was deaf and now he already follows me everywhere. My parents expect me to take care of all these animals because they both work all day and my brother is too little. Well, I go to school all day, and I want to play soccer, and I have homework and also friends. I don't want to be gross, but do you know how much poo this many animals makes every day? We use it in a compost heap, which is good for the environment and in the summer, we grow vegetables. I don't think I should be queen of animal poo, do you? —P.U. POO

P.S. I am 10 1/2. I hope it is ok I am not a teen, and I am writing to you. Thank you. Sorry so sloppy.

Hey. P.U. POO!

It's fine that you're 10 1/2, and your letter is hilarious is a good way. In fact, it sounds like a Disney movie — a family that loves animals so much they can never say no and their house is overrun with critters.

I agree with you that it's not fair for you to be on poo patrol for this entire menagerie.

Hey. Cherie!

I am 14 and a boy. My dad loves to hunt. He owns many guns. All my uncles and cousins hunt. There is the head of a deer over the fireplace in my uncle's house and my uncle killed that deer, and he loves to show the dead deer head to people.

This makes me feel physically ill. Why do they think it's fun to aim at an innocent animal with a high-powered rifle, fire and kill it? How can that be sport? It's not like it's a fair fight! I always make an excuse like I'm busy when they invite me shooting, even target practice. If I tell them the truth, they will make fun of me and call me gay. I'm not gay, but that's not the point. I don't want to get into big fights with them because I'm not going to change them, and they aren't going to change me. But lately my cousin has been saying, "You scared? You a homo?" because I don't want to hunt or shoot. It's not like I can talk to my dad because my dad agrees with him and laughs. What do I do? —Uncle Shot Bambi

Hey Uncle!

Wow, two animal letters this week. I can't claim to be unbiased because the idea of shooting animals when you're A: An armed human and B: They are a defenseless animal strikes me as C: Nauseating. Someone much smarter than me said, "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. You've got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string."

You can quietly but firmly opt out on the shoot-em-ups, explain your reason why without insulting them, and then simply ignore the juvenile and stereotypical name-calling. This will be you standing up for something and taking the higher moral ground without lecturing them or acting all superior. 'Cuz we both know that tactic would ... backfire. What's up with the puns and me today? Stand your ground, be your own man — personally, I'm impressed with you already.

Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books for teens and young adults. Visit her website at www.cheriebennett.com. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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