Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: Recently, our next-door neighbor of several years died. Our relationship with him and his wife was friendly, but not close. Mostly, we just waved and greeted one another out in our yards.

My wife recommended baking cookies and taking them and a sympathy card to the family gathered at the house. We also had some fresh fruit — cantaloupe and watermelon — which I cut up and added to the cookies.

As I was about to carry the food to them, I suddenly felt a wave of panic. Was I about to commit a major faux pas? You see, the neighbor was an African-American man. My wife and I are white. The last thing we wanted to do in the midst of our neighbor's grief was to cause offense or bring insult. I didn't know whether our neighbor, her family and/or friends would be offended if I gave them watermelon.

In the end, I decided to play it safe. I removed the watermelon from the plate and delivered the cookies, cantaloupe and card.

Larry, I want your opinion. Should I have left the watermelon on the plate? How did we get to the point in America that this is even an issue? Am I being hypersensitive, or is it a real issue? — John

Dear John: I was at a gathering of approximately 150 African-Americans, and I happened to be the emcee. I decided to ask your question to the group to check whether my opinion was right. Not one person at the gathering would have a problem with receiving watermelon in the way you planned to present it.

I appreciate the fact that you are sensitive to the feelings of others.

However, in this case, you are being too sensitive.

I understand your dilemma. In our society of political correctness and people's tending to take offense when none is intended, it is no wonder you felt intimidated and at a loss for the appropriate action.

I feel the same way when it comes to dealing with certain groups. I grew up at a time when one displayed good manners by holding doors open for others, especially for women. I took great delight in conducting myself in the proper manner and always allowed a lady to walk through a door before me.

One time, I held the door open for a lady and she called me a "sexist b———." She said it was demeaning for me to allow her to walk through first and added that I never would have done the same action for a man.

First of all, I always allow people to step through doorways before me — both male and female. However, after this incident, I became timid allowing ladies to go first.

And my timid behavior spilled over to the other things I did for women, such as opening car doors, assisting in seating, giving flowers and paying for meals and outings. This change happened because of one woman who took offense to my seemingly thoughtful gesture.

Considering how certain people in America react, it's a wonder that anyone knows what the right thing to do is.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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