Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I am a 43-year-old mother of four children. My first three are girls, and the last is a son. My son is now 17 years old.

I am married to a man who has abused me physically and emotionally ever since we were married. He has punched, cursed and degraded me in ways I am too embarrassed to say. As time went on, the abuse became worse, until I finally called the police.

The police came and put him in jail. He was able to get out when he agreed to go to counseling. He went through a whole year of counseling, and the day he got off probation, he beat me so badly I could not come out of the house for two weeks.

The worst part of his abuse was that he was doing it in front of the children. They grew up watching me cry and beg for mercy while their father punched and kicked me. My girls left home as soon as they finished high school and told me they would not come back until I got away from the "monster" (their words).

I am writing to you because my son is fed up with his father. He told me that the next time his father hits me, he is going to beat his father so badly that no one will be able to recognize his father.

I am lying awake at night because I am so afraid of something happening to my baby. He has the same kind of violent temper that his father has. Our son is bigger and stronger than his father, and I know that once the fight starts, someone will get seriously hurt.

I have tried to talk my son out of coming to my aid. I have tried to get him to leave home and live with his uncle. I have exhausted all of my arguments. All he says is that he won't leave and that he is ready for his father.

I am scared something terrible is about to happen.

I don't know why my son will not go. My girls could not wait to get away. My son acts as if it is his duty to protect me.

Should I be this worried? Why is my son acting like my protector? What do you suggest?

Please answer soon, because it has been several weeks since my husband exploded, and he generally operates on a three-week cycle. — Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom: Yes, you should be worried. In fact, you should be terrified. At your son's age, it is normal for boys to try to protect their mothers. Even young boys try to rescue their mothers from dangerous relationships.

Immediate action must be taken, and because you can't talk your son out of his proposed action, you must act. Get out of your relationship. Find another place to live, and take your son with you. Do not let your son and his father have contact until outside intervention takes place.

I do not want to chastise you, but you have sent a terrible message to your children. They have watched you endure years of abuse and degradation. I pray they do not emulate your lifestyle. No one should be allowed to abuse another human in the manner that your husband has abused you.

It is obvious that you and your son need counseling. Once you both are in a safe place, find a good counselor. Another piece of advice: Find out whether your prospective counselor has been a victim of spousal abuse. If he or she has been a victim, be careful, because there are many counselors who still are tainted by their own traumatic experiences.

As an aside, your husband needs to be in custody.

Once you and your son are in a safe place, please write to me again.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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