Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I have met the man of my dreams. He happens to be black. I am in love for the first time in my life. He is my age and handsome, and he has a good job and is well-educated.

I am 28 years old, white, also well-educated and have a good job that pays an above-average income. I own a home and am considered by many to be good-looking/sexy. I have gotten to the age that I am ready to settle down with one guy and start a family.

I know he is the one for me because he treats me like a lady and knows how to make me feel wanted and special. Every time I am with him, all I want to do is go somewhere and be alone with him.

I dream about spending all our time walking the beaches in some faraway land or just being alone in a home holding hands while reading a good book. He tells me he wants the same thing, but his actions do not exactly match his words.

There are times when we are alone, but too many times he wants to be around other people. He likes to go to gatherings where people are, in my opinion, too loud. I like a quiet restaurant, but he prefers something like a piano bar, where there is a lot of music and laughter.

I like quiet walks in secluded forests; he rather would go someplace like Disneyland. I like a church where the music is low and somber; he likes a Baptist church where the music and preaching are, frankly, too loud and raucous.

Larry, I have tried to go along with his likes, but I am just not that happy being around so many other people. He keeps telling me to keep trying to socialize and eventually I will become used to being around others. I haven't gotten used it, and all I want is to be alone with him in our own place.

My boyfriend thinks I am being unreasonable. He also has suggested that I seek counseling. I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting to be alone with the person I love.

So far, I have resisted his suggestion of counseling. I am getting scared my boyfriend might be getting to the point that he thinks our differences are too far apart. I don't want to lose him, so I suggested that I write to you and ask your opinion concerning our relationship.

He reads your column all the time and readily agreed to my suggestion. He wants me to ask you whether you think either of us is being unreasonable and who should be the one to change to the other.

We both agreed in advance to abide by your decision.

Tag, the ball is now in your court. — Lil

Dear Lil: Thanks for the confidence. As humans, we are considered social creatures, and we crave social interaction. But it always comes to the point that we ask, "How much?"

The "how much?" is very difficult to answer. We are all different, and the differences are what make us special. There is no right or wrong except when it comes to the extremes. If you are the kind of person who cannot be around others and your boyfriend is the kind who cannot stand being alone, then you are at the extremes and need intervention.

In my opinion, there seems to be nothing wrong with either of you. You both are somewhere in that vast middle of human emotion.

Both of you would benefit from couples therapy. There is a need for compromise, and if this is the only issue in your relationship, your hurdle easily can be crossed.

Bang, the ball is back to you.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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