Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I have met Mr. Right for Me. I am white, and Mr. Right is black. He is everything I have wanted in a man. He is good-looking, taller than I am, considerate and hard-working; he gets along with my family and friends, and he's the most fantastic lover ever. I know I have found my soul mate after many years of looking.

I have four very close friends, and we go out for dinner and fun almost every week. The past few weeks really have gotten me down because my friends have started "ragging" on my boyfriend and tearing him down for the most frivolous reasons. They primarily complain about his table manners.

I am the first to admit my boyfriend could use improvement in dinner etiquette. He has a habit of eating with his mouth open and his elbows on the table. He sometimes uses the wrong utensils and leaves his used napkins on tabletops. My girlfriends are all ladies who notice these things and make a big deal out of them. They have called my boyfriend gross, piggy and unrefined. They are very careful not to mention his color or say anything negative about his ethnicity.

I try to be a good sport about their crude and belittling comments because I don't believe they really mean the things they are saying. They are so nice to him when he is around. In fact, they all flirt and have made offers to take my place if we ever broke up.

My boyfriend and I have visited his family. I noticed his entire family has the same type of table manners. Eating was a riotous affair. There was a lot of shouting and grabbing for food. They all ate with open mouths and did not keep the tidy manners of my friends.

Larry, to be honest, it does not make much difference to me about my boyfriend's table manners.

I just can't stand when my friends talk about him.

I have tried to make my boyfriend more conscious of his table manners, but he seems to ignore my hints. He is older than 45 and very set in his ways. I am almost 40 and realize what is really important in life. It is not how one sits at a table and consumes food.

I don't know what to do. I do not want to give up my friends, and I do not want to change a man that, in my opinion, is perfect (except at the table).

What do you think? Should I just ignore my friends and hope it all will stop in time? Do you think I should give my boyfriend a book on manners? Any suggestions would be helpful. — Lacy

Dear Lacy: I would straighten out my friends. I would tell them in no uncertain terms that you love Mr. Right and their words are very hurtful. I also would tell them real friends would understand your feelings and support you in your selection of a mate.

As an aside, is it possible your friends, who all happen to be single and unattached, are jealous of you? Your selection of a boyfriend might make them feel inadequate, and their put-downs may be more about themselves dealing with their loneliness.

The fact that your girlfriends flirt with your boyfriend is nothing but an example of how people can be nice, smile and be friendly when a person is around and behave just the opposite when that person is no longer around. I believe the correct word is phony.

If your boyfriend is all that you say he is and he is secure with himself, I believe he would respond to a little loving training in table etiquette. Please try; you might be surprised at the results.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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