creators home
creators.com lifestyle web

Recently

Farewell Dear Larry: You are the sanest man in America! I look forward to your columns because I ALWAYS agree with your answers. Great work! Thanks for speaking the simple truth about all issues — racial, political, parental, common sense, etc. I often …Read more. Hate Groups Dear Larry: I want to forget for a moment that it is their constitutional right, because I detest the Ku Klux Klan, neo-Nazis and all other groups that preach hate. A long time ago, they came into cities across America without any protest. Now …Read more. Troubles With Raising Teenage Son Dear Larry: I am African-American and a single mother with three children, ages 15, 10 and 8. All of them are boys. I am having a lot of problems with them, especially the eldest. He argues with me about almost everything. He thinks he is the man/…Read more. How To Get Race Relations Back on Track Dear Larry: So many of my friends are upset with the way things are going, especially race relations. They are not saying anything openly, but among themselves there is constant complaining and fear. There is something simmering and brewing that …Read more.
more articles

Ethnically Speaking, September 13

Share Comment

Dear Larry: I am 19 years old, and my girlfriend is 21. She is black, and I am white. We get along great, and this is the first time I have fallen in love. It is a great thing except for one thing: My girlfriend loves to wear very low-cut blouses.

This has become a major point of discussion between us. She wears clothes with as many as three buttons unbuttoned. When we go places, all the men stare at her. She doesn't say anything to other guys, but I don't like the way they look and smile. It makes me very uncomfortable.

I have asked her to button up and not show herself, but she says there is nothing wrong with the way she dresses. She also says there is nothing wrong with dressing to feel nice and a little bit sexy. Dressing that way, according to her, makes her feel like a very desirable woman.

Larry, she is desirable; I love the way she looks. I think she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I want her to dress that way only for me and not show herself to others. We have talked numerous times, and I am getting frustrated.

The last time we talked, she mentioned that black women love to dress this way because it comes from their roots in Africa, where some women walk around bare-breasted. I said that does not make sense, and she said to look it up. I have tried to find something on the subject but so far have found nothing.

I am writing to you for your opinion, and I am wondering whether you know of any references to black women's exposure being related to their African heritage.

Don't get me wrong; I am no prude, but I hate her showing so much of herself.

— Lance

Dear Lance: Just when I think I have heard everything, a new one hits me. Your letter is it.

I never have discussed, heard or read anything about the provocative dress of black women being related to their African ancestry. I know there are different clothing styles and colors that are considered African. Many black Americans wear them to honor their African roots. However, I never have heard that the amount of skin black women expose comes from their African heritage.

I believe your girlfriend loves showing her body because she is proud of the way she looks and she enjoys the attention she attracts. Being noticed by the opposite sex is an ego-enhancing emotion, and this is a boost to her self-esteem.

Nothing in your letter has suggested that her dress is beyond the norm of our society. If her display is within what is considered decent, I think you should look to your own emotions.

I have a few questions for you: Why do you not want your girlfriend to be admired by others? Are you insecure, or do you think she will leave you for another? Could your emotions be based upon your religious training? How did your family dress, especially the females? When you see other women dressed like your girlfriend, what goes through your mind? What is your opinion of other women who dress like your girlfriend? Where did this opinion come from?

After you have performed this self-analysis, write me again.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.


Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
I was disturbed by Larry Meeks' response to Lance. The virtue in question is modesty, which is essential in maintaining proper love relations. Every culture has clear lines defining modesty—even cultures where climate and tradition have favored little clothing.
Love is a 100 % giving to another person. And modesty assures this. One doesn't give oneself to everyone on the street: that's prostitution.
Lance was perfectly right to want his girlfriend to be modest in her dress. Arguing that this has something to do with African heritage is just a poor excuse. Many African and African American women honor the virtue of modesty and dress with common sense. On the other hand there IS a certain current among some African American women that promotes an easy eroticism. But statistics also show that promiscuity and resulting children born out of wedlock are hgh among these women. If promiscuity and children born out of wedlock are considered problems and destructive of family, I think one might consider that modesty is a crucial part of the solution.
I say to Lance that you are right to demand modesty from a potential spouse (of course you have to live it yourself). If your girlfriend insists on being immodest in dress I'd look for another girlfriend; otherwise you're opening yourself up to real problems down the road.
James Radomski, Ph.D.
Professor of Humanities
California State University
San Bernardino, CA
Comment: #1
Posted by: James Radomski
Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:08 AM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Larry Meeks
Mar. `11
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
27 28 1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31 1 2
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month