Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I enjoy your column, but I feel you were off the mark in your response to the man who wrote to you concerned because his wife started expressing an interest in separate vacations. I agree with you that it is important for families to take vacations together, however I think it is also important to have some "away time."

This woman, who has been married since she graduated high school, apparently works full time and has four children! She needs a break big-time. I don't believe she is pursuing this time away for any ulterior motive. I believe she just needs some quiet.

I am a stay-at-home mom, married for almost 18 years to my best friend. We have three wonderful children. But guess what? Once a year, I go on a vacation with my cousin and leave my husband home with the kids. It is such a wonderful thing that he gives me — the opportunity to shop, sleep, eat and visit with someone without the demands of motherhood. Don't get me wrong; I love my children, but they can be exhausting.

When I take my vacation alone, I always come home refreshed and better able to enjoy my children. It gives me something to look forward to, and it also gives me a chance to plan something that is just for me.

In return, my husband gets a week to go fishing with his buddies in Alaska and usually a couple of long weekends for fishing trips, as well. We also schedule a long weekend for the two of us during our wedding anniversary and make room for regular date nights. We take a summer vacation as a family, as well, and make a commitment to each other to spend time together.

I think as long as the letter writer is assured that there are no other activities or threats to his marriage, it would be wise to give her the break she desires.

Otherwise, I think she may end up so burned out from all her responsibilities that she and the rest of the family will be miserable. — Susan

Dear Susan: Thank you for your letter. You are a wonderful example of how families can compromise to meet everyone's needs. However, I make the assumption that most families cannot afford the luxury of being able to have so many vacations to provide this balance. The real problem is what to do if the budget can afford only one vacation.

My friends and family are divided equally on this issue. My daughter recommends separate vacations, but my son thinks family vacations are more important. My wife believes the family should stay together. I still hold to my position of recommending a family vacation rather than separate outings.

Jerry's letter created quite a stir among the readers. Please read a small sample from mothers:

From Libby: It is obvious you are a man. If you were stuck with the kids all day, you would understand.

From June: I take separate vacations just to be able to breathe air that does not smell like dirty diapers and household cleaning products.

From Beverly: I don't know what Jerry is worrying about. Being with children is so tiresome a wife does not have the energy to cater to some needy man. One man is not only enough; in my opinion, it is too much.

From A.A.: Don't use my name because my husband thinks I am happy, and he likes our situation. I don't. Jerry is right. My husband better keep an eye on me. If I get half a chance, I'm gone. Marriage, work and motherhood are more than I bargained for. As some politician once said, "He won't have me to kick around anymore."

Dear A.A.: Your letter is a cry for help. Please see a counselor or Women Escaping a Violent Environment. Please write me again and let me know how you are doing.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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