Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I am white and have been living with my black boyfriend for three years. We do not have any children but want to start soon because I am 32 years old and he is almost 40.

No one in my family has married outside of our race, and I have no experience with an interracial relationship besides mine. The only complaint I am getting from my family is from my 83-year-old grandmother. She keeps telling me living with someone outside of marriage is against God's will. I do not know how she reached the conclusion that I only should be with white men. I have asked her, but she tells me that is what she was taught when she was a little girl. Is that true?

Before I become pregnant, I want to prepare myself for this relationship and being the mother of a mixed child. Because I am inexperienced and it's new to my family, what advice would you give me?

Any information would be appreciated. — Nan

Dear Nan: I am confused about what you are saying about your grandmother. From your letter, it sounds as if your grandmother is complaining about your living arrangement without the benefit of marriage. I do not see a racial problem.

My advice to you is:

—Get married. Children raised in homes in which the parents are married do better in every component of life than children living in homes in which the parents are single, cohabiting, divorced or remarried.

—Love each other. Your children will have a better chance of being happy and be more likely to emulate your emotions in their lives.

—Stay married.

Children growing up in single-parent homes are more than 100 percent more likely to bear children in their teens and almost twice as likely to divorce than children growing up in married homes.

—Maintain high goals for your children. Push your children to be the best. You are not your children's friend; you are your children's parent. There is a difference. You set the goals and ensure that your children adhere to your expectations. Sometimes the children will rebel and not like you. So what? Do not worry about it. Love and understanding will come later. If you do not hold your children to high expectations, you have a much greater chance of your children disliking you later.

—Treat everyone you meet with respect. Your children will learn interpersonal relationships from the way you respect other people's rights. Speak well of people in authority. Support your country, and do not make a person's skin color an issue. Never allow your children's ethnicity to be an excuse for failure. Those days are over.

The rules for being a good parent are the same for every race. Listen to your parents. What they did to make you a good person will apply to your future children.

Parenting is something that always is performed by amateurs. Just when you really begin to understand how to parent, they are grown and gone. When you raise children who are able to leave your home, form their own family units, and become contributing members of society, you are a successful parent.

I am convinced that love, common sense, an intuitive instinct and consistency make anyone a good parent.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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