Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I don't know whether I have a problem or not. Maybe I am being too sensitive or too possessive; that is what my wife thinks. I need your opinion.

I have been married for 17 years to my childhood sweetheart. We got married right out of high school. We have four biracial children. I am black, and she is white. We always have done things together as a family. I always had thought we have a happy marriage, but now I am not so sure.

Two years ago, my wife started pressing me about us having separate vacations. She wants two weeks alone without the children or me. She is saying she needs that time to find herself, whatever that means.

About 2 1/2 years ago, she started working for a hardware supply company. Most of the workers are men. I am beginning to wonder whether she is having an affair. She is coming home late and says she is working overtime. I know that is true because her pay stub indicates the additional hours.

She works directly for the boss, and he authorizes the overtime pay. It is very easy for her to stay at the office and meet whomever she wants and get overtime pay for her efforts.

I need your opinion because my family and friends all told me not to marry her. I hate to ask anyone I know out of fear it will get back to my wife, and I don't want anyone to say, "I told you so."

Larry, do you think I should let her go on vacation? Should I confront her?

I am losing sleep trying to decide what to do.

Dear Jerry: You ask a difficult question, and there are no easy answers. First of all, your situation is not a racial situation. It is a marital situation that happens to many marriages, regardless of race.

Marriage is based upon trust. I believe you should trust. This trust should be kept unless you have hard evidence that would indicate trust has been violated.

In your case, believe your wife when she says she is working overtime. If she is having an affair, a work situation is only an excuse. There are too many examples of affairs happening to people who stay at home and don't have outside occupations.

I know I will get a lot of letters disagreeing with me. I think families, especially husbands and wives, should take vacations together. Vacations are times when families and martial bonds can be strengthened.

Your wife says she needs to find herself. I think you need a marriage counselor to find out what is going on. I think your wife might be tired and may never have had a chance to experience life before she stepped into marriage.

If she was your childhood sweetheart, she might be thinking there are a lot of things she missed out on because you were always around. She needs to come to grips with any emotions that she might be harboring.

Please write to me again and let me know how you and your wife are doing.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.