Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I am the youngest of seven boys. My father raised us without our mother. She ran off to be with her boyfriend when I was eight months old. Dad never remarried or brought any girlfriends over to the house. He made sure we attended church every Sunday and was always there to help with our homework.

When school required a parent-teacher conference, Dad would take off work to meet. When we were sick, Dad missed work to take us to the doctor and be with us. When we played sports, Dad was our biggest fan. Because he was there for us, he never rose very high in his job.

His boss told my father he was a great guy, but that the job required more time than my father could give. Dad made us his priority.

Every one of my brothers, except one, finished college. The one who did not finish college is now a multi-millionaire.

Never once did I ever hear Dad say something bad about our mother. All he ever said was that he was praying for her to come home to be with her children.

Larry, I am now 26 years old and about to get married. My mother heard about my wedding and called me for the first time in my life. She said she wanted to come to my wedding but needed some money to get here. It seems my mother has lived a hard life two states away from where I live.

Should I send her the money? I asked my father and he said I am old enough to make that kind of decision for myself. He also added that he does not hold any grudges against my mother and that it is OK with him.

I am very angry with this woman and I don't consider her my mother. I only think of her as some kind of egg and womb provider.

I need your advice; the wedding is only a few months away.

Oh, by the way, she said it would be nice if she were escorted down the aisle as the mother of the groom. Is this nervy or what? — Upset

Dear Upset: Yes, she has nerve. All things considered, I would make a way for her to be at your wedding.

I don't know all the facts, but my hunch is your mother has a substance abuse problem. I would not send your mother any money. I would provide her an airline ticket. I would set it up in such a way that your mother could not redeem it for money.

I think your mother needs to be at your wedding for several reasons. It is obvious you are angry, and that anger can and will affect your own marriage. Your mother's presence will help assuage your anger. You will probably see an old woman who has been saddened by years of hard living. It is quite possible that sight will quiet your many years of hate.

Another reason: This will be an opportunity for your future wife to meet her, plus the rest of the family. It is only human nature that people are curious about your mother and this meeting will settle a lot of minds.

The last reason is because it will bring closure for your father. It is obvious your father loved your mother very much and the rejection hurt him deeply. This meeting will help your father and bring peace to him.

You didn't ask, but I think your father is a man among men. If there is a special place in Heaven for outstanding fathers, your dad deserves to be at the front of the line.

I hope and pray you boys never forget the sacrifice of your father and the best gift you can give is to be the same father to your children.

To find out more about Larry Meeks, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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