Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I am white, and my wife is Filipino. I am having trouble getting along with some of my wife's relatives.

This is the second marriage for both of us. Before we married, I insisted that we do everything right about involving her family. It is good that I felt that way because my wife's family is very careful about correct protocol.

My wife was born in the Philippines with eight brothers and sisters. Her father is a very important person in the Philippines and worked very hard to raise his children properly. All of her brothers and sisters are professionals and have done well financially.

Before we got married, I went to the Philippines to meet her parents and ask permission to marry their daughter. While I was there, I met more relatives than I could remember. Without exception, everyone was very nice and gave us their blessings. I felt that I was welcomed into the family without reservations.

When we got back to the States, I went on a four-city tour visiting her American Filipino relatives. I was in for a shock. The American side of the family was distant and not very welcoming. I especially noticed this behavior in the cousins that were under 30 years of age. These people thought my then-fiancee should have been marrying someone of her own race. They didn't like the idea of her marrying a "dough boy" — me.

The American-born Filipinos were very nationalistic. They had anti-American ideas and were just plain rude. I tried to overlook their attitude, but nothing has worked to date.

We have now been married six years and have a 4-year-old daughter.

My wife loves her family and wants to have a relationship with them, especially for our daughter's sake. I do not want to put myself out any longer, and I am tired of being the "doormat."

Any suggestions would be appreciated. I am hoping my wife will get off my back about visiting her terribly behaving family. — Lonnie

Dear Lonnie: Poor people living in Third World countries long for freedom and opportunity. These impoverished people admire what we have in America and would be willing to endure much hardship to get to our shores. Many of these poor people living in squalor see the failings of their corrupt country.

American-born minorities take this country for granted and idealize the country representing their ethnic heritage. They look past the other country's problems and build a fantasy in their minds about its wonders. These people tend to become very nationalistic toward that other country.

For example, I have seen blacks speak lovingly of Africa and its culture, as if it is some kind of paradise to admire, and completely ignore the starvation, wars, slavery, brutality, oppressive governments and discrimination.

Your wife's American cousins are plagued with this phenomenon.

I am told you can choose your friends but you inherit your family. As long as your wife wants to keep visiting her family, you have only two options — go along or pretend you have some other place to go. I suggest that you combine the two. Make your perfunctory visit and limit the time you have to spend with these immature relatives.

Let's hope they will grow up and realize what a great country they live in.

To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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