Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I am writing about my 24-year-old daughter, "Florence," who's in a four-year relationship I find extremely upsetting. I have spoken with her about my feelings, but I know I am powerless to change her mind. I have been so upset that I feel it has affected my health. (I have been a cancer patient for over two years.) Florence is beautiful, talented and intelligent. She could have just about any man she desired. The man with whom she is considering marriage cannot find full-time work in his field so he works part time, eking out just enough money to support himself, rather than finding work in another field to enable him to support a family someday. He is grossly overweight, as is his mother, so this genetic tendency could be passed along to his children. And ... he is not of our religion, which I feel could add difficulties to a marital relationship. I fear that Florence will "wake up and smell the coffee" too late, after marriage and children, and live an unhappy life. Granted, one cannot choose the mate for one's child, but I need advice on how to stop worrying so I can feel happier and, hopefully, healthier. — Worried Sick

Dear Wor: You know the words but not the music — something I think most of us experience at one time or another. You know Florence is going to do what she wants, you know you should disengage, but it's hard to watch what you view as a catastrophe and not make yourself heard. It is important for you to accept the fact that — for four years — beautiful, talented, intelligent Florence has been involved with a man you do not find promising, to put it mildly.

But I will tell you this: Florence knows he is fat, underemployed and of a different religion. It has so far not changed her mind. And realistically, it's never "too late" to undo from a mate who's proved to be the wrong one. (Don't ask me how I know this.) Since you can't control Florence, I wish for you the gift of acceptance. It is her life. I have always believed that we each get one go round (unless you're Shirley MacLaine) to do with as we choose. If you can adopt this way of thinking, I predict you will be happier and your health will improve. — Margo, beneficially

The Black Cat Is Optional

Dear Margo: Hello. My oldest stepson is getting married in the spring. I have checked etiquette sites, but found nothing that indicates what the wicked stepmother of the groom should wear. HELP ME! — Shelly

Dear Shel: Maybe a long black thing accessorized with a pointed black hat and a broom? I've actually never heard of anyone making a distinction between the stepmother of the bride or groom and the biological mother when it comes to wedding outfits. For your purposes, feel free to dress as though you were the mother of the groom. If you want to be a sport, you can check with the "other" mothers so you'll know their colors. I am guessing from the way you refer to yourself as the "wicked stepmother" that you, like I, have a warm relationship with the stepkids. Mine, in fact, call me "Wicky," an affectionate Britishism playing on the wicked stepmother theme. Have a lovely time at the wedding. — Margo, fashionably

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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