Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I am writing about my 24-year-old daughter I'll call "Florence," who is in a four-year relationship I am extremely upset about. I have spoken with Florence about how I feel, and I also know I am powerless to change her mind. I have been so upset that I think this has affected my health adversely, as I have been a cancer patient for two years. Florence is beautiful, talented and intelligent. She could have just about any man she desires. This boyfriend with whom she is seriously considering marriage cannot find full-time work in his field and works part time, eking out just enough money to support himself rather than finding work in another field that would enable him to support a family someday. He is grossly overweight, as is his mother, so this genetic tendency could be passed along to his children. He is not of our religion, which could add difficulties to a marital relationship. I feel strongly that Florence will "wake up and smell the coffee" too late, after marriage and children, and live an unhappy life. One cannot choose the mate for one's child, but I need advice about how to stop worrying so I can become happy and, hopefully, healthy. — Worried Sick

Dear Wor: You know the words but not the music — something I think most of us experience at one time or another. You know Florence is going to do what she wants, you know you should disengage, but it's hard to watch what you view as a mistake and not make yourself heard. It is important for you to accept the fact that — for four years — beautiful, talented, intelligent Florence has been involved with a man you do not find promising, to put it mildly. But I will tell you this: Florence knows he is fat, underemployed and of a different religion.

It has so far not changed her mind. And realistically, it's never "too late" to undo from a mate who's proved to be the wrong one. (Don't ask me how I know this.) Since you can't control Florence, I recommend that you work on attaining the gift of acceptance. It is her life. I have always believed that we each get one life (unless you are Shirley MacLaine) to do with as we choose. If you can adopt this way of thinking, I predict you will be happier and your health will improve. — Margo, purposefully

Is That a Baby in There, or Do You Sit Around Eating Chocolate Cake?

Dear Margo: I have somewhat of a potbelly that makes me look like I'm about three months pregnant. I'm not pregnant, never have been and never will be (at least not for a few years anyway). Some people, mostly family, keep asking if I am pregnant. It's embarrassing and annoying. While I'm not always happy with my figure, I'm comfortable enough with it. Is there anything I can do to stop getting asked this? — Absolutely Not Pregnant

Dear Ab: You need to close down these "well wishers," and I offer you two approaches.

One is to answer, "Nope ... just been hiding in the jelly donuts." Another would be the announcement that you weren't the last time they asked, and you're not now. Smart people learn (often the hard way) that it is not wise to ask people with discernible bellies if they are preggers. Nine times out of 10, what could be perceived as a "baby bump" is actually the 10 or 15 pounds a lot of us would like to lose. If you can keep yourself from bopping the clods who ask you this question, humor is very effective. — Margo, lightly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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