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Responding to Poor Judgment
Dear Margo: This past year has been amazing for me. I successfully passed my first semester in college with a 4.0 while juggling friends and a job. I have a very goal-oriented boyfriend who is compassionate to boot! We have a lot in common and …Read more.
If It's Something Dire, You Will Know About It
Dear Margo: My husband is an only child in his late 30s. My father-in-law is terribly selfish. We live several states away, and because he's the only blood relative left, my spouse does his best to keep in touch with his father. It is rarely …Read more.
What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
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What To Do With a Frigid ManDear Margo: My husband of 16 years is a nice guy and a good father. We rarely argue and, in fact, get along companionably. The problem is that six months into our marriage he lost interest in sex. I keep myself attractive and initiate sex often, but he is rarely in the mood. Throughout the course of our marriage, we have gone through dry spells that have lasted for months and even years. Sometimes things will improve for a week or two and then go back to draught. I have told him repeatedly that this is important to me. He doesn't think sex is a big deal and says he just doesn't have the drive. I know he can raise the flagpole — he just doesn't want to do anything about it. He does not feel that he needs to see a doctor or therapist. To him this is a non-issue, and he thinks if I have a problem with it, I should have left years ago. I thought it was just a phase — we enjoyed a good sex life prior to marriage and during the first few months of marriage. I want and need more. Despite all odds, we have two children. Would I be putting my happiness before that of my children's if I left, as they adore their father? Is lack of sex a good enough reason to leave a marriage? — Iceberg's Wife Dear Ice: Well, it's a good enough reason if it's important to you. And like many women, I'm sure it's not just the sex that matters, but the closeness and affection it communicates. There are a finite number of reasons that could be guiding "Mr. Rarely in the Mood." He may be asexual, gay or have a testosterone imbalance. Because you say it's a non-issue for him, the ball's in your court, to coin a phrase. You are likely a woman in her 30s, so I would tell him that things as they are are unsatisfactory, and if he chooses not to find out what is underlying his lack of interest, you will need to speak to a lawyer.
When "Ex" Marks the (Sore) Spot Dear Margo: My ex and I were together for five years. We broke up about a year and a half ago. Afterward, to save face, he told all of our friends that we were still friends. This is completely untrue due to his cheating on me multiple times. I'm over the relationship, however, and have moved on emotionally. My problem comes when I see those friends and they feel the need to give me an update on him and his current relationship, e.g., their anniversary is coming up, they live together, etc. I am happy he's found happiness. I'm happy and doing really well, too! I just need to know how to respond to these people without sounding like I'm bitter because he's doing well. The thing is, I don't really want any more updates. What would be a polite but firm way to say "I don't give a flying flip about it, so please stop telling me"? Or should I just smile and say nothing? — Over It Dear Ove: Smiling and remaining silent would be quite effective and could easily serve as the nonverbal equivalent of saying you don't give a flying flip. (I believe silence and humor are two underused approaches to a lot of things.) Should you feel the need to articulate your wish to skip the updates, you might say that his life is no longer of any interest to you. Then smile. — Margo, tactically *** Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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