Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: Here's a new one for you — I'm assuming, as it's a pretty ridiculous situation. Two years ago, my husband begged for a tarantula, and after too many cocktails, I bought him one for his birthday. I am scared to death of spiders and have had buyer's remorse ever since. I have nightmares about it getting loose, and even had a panic attack when I saw it molting. My husband won't get rid of the thing, and I've learned to ignore that corner of our living room as much as possible. However ... we just found out we're expecting our first child, but my husband says he still won't get rid of the tarantula, saying it's no more dangerous than our dogs.

Our tarantula has fangs and can bite, as well as being able to fling its hairs, causing respiratory irritation, none of which should be an issue if the tarantula is kept secure in its cage. But I worry about a toddler knocking over the cage or removing the lid and reaching in. I don't intend to let it go or die or anything. I just want it to be adopted into another home. So should we get rid of it or keep it? If you side with me, how can I possibly get my husband on board? — Arachnophobe in Connecticut

Dear Arac: You guessed right: This is my first letter about a spider. I can't quite figure out what your husband does with his "pet." I doubt he can take it out and play with it. I would think, however, that a spouse who is so fearful of this furry, spooky thing that she's having nightmares would be enough for a loving husband to agree to send it on to the home for retired tarantulas. Failing that, put the cage on a high table when the baby starts to crawl. The sort-of-good news is that Google says the venom is only fatal if the victim has allergies. Because this ugly sucker came to you courtesy of too many cocktails, perhaps lay off the libations lest your husband start begging for a Komodo dragon.

Jezebel Lops Off Her Family

Dear Margo: To make a long story short, my sister "Bridgette" got caught having an affair. Our whole family suspected and questioned her, but she denied it until she got busted. The problem is, she blames everyone but herself. She has kicked out her husband of 11 years, saying he's an alcoholic. She got their newly refurbished home, plus the majority of his paycheck. She is not working, and he takes the kids all weekend. This poor guy doesn't know what hit him. He's living with his father and just scrapes by. He signed all the divorce papers on her terms, thinking that if he was super-nice, they would get back together.

Bridgette is not speaking to most of the family because she thinks we should back her up. She is the one who cheated and bragged about flirting with this guy for months. This is tearing my mother apart. Bridgette won't bring the grandchildren to see her anymore, and she won't talk to my other sister because we didn't back her up. Are we in the wrong, or should she take responsibility for what she has done? — Confused on the Cape

Dear Con: "Bridgette" sounds like a beauty. How in the world could you all be in the wrong for displaying actual family values? Apparently, your sister is an adherent of the adage, "Blood is thicker than water." In hindsight, it's too bad your brother-in-law agreed to her terms under the misguided notion that it would warm her up. I can tell you just from your letter, she ain't never going back to him. Perhaps he could legally revisit the agreement. As for the grandkids, Massachusetts law (where you all are) is cloudy on the subject of grandparents' rights. Cold comfort though it may be, your sister is nuts to cut everybody off, so let's hope at some point she reconsiders the importance of family. — Margo, conventionally

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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