Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I'm a 34-year-old wife and mother, with no problem having friends or family casually touch me during conversation. I am normally open to friendly hugs. However, my husband has two friends who insist on touching me, and for some reason they trip my creepy-alarm.

These guys are single, never-married brothers (50 and 52) who live together. They visit at least weekly. If I am cooking, for example, one of them will come up behind me and put his hands on my neck or shoulders. They will insist on a hug even when I back away. Obviously, they have no concept of personal boundaries and do not pick up on body language. I have drawn back and even said, "Please stop." I may not be the smartest person in the world, but if somebody became rigid every time I touched or hugged them, or told me to quit when I put my hands on them, I would get the message.

My husband is not good with confrontation at all. To top it off, I spoke to my sister-in-law about this, and she said that a few years ago her husband had to speak to them about the same issue because these guys felt free to pat her bottom and such. She said other people in the family have the same issue with these guys being touchy-feely. Do you have any sarcastic, funny or even nice-but-firm comments I could try? — Tired of Feeling Trapped

Dear Tired: Sarcastic or funny will not work with this pair. These bachelor brothers sound like two impervious creeps trying to cop a feel. The confirmation from your s-i-l should tell you your instincts are correct. Because the roaming-hands duo comes over often (and because your husband is clearly not up to making the announcement), tell them the next time that just like (name of s-i-l), you must request that they keep their hands to themselves because you do not appreciate the physical contact they initiate.

On the Fence About Religion

Dear Margo: I'm curious what you think of people who go to church but are not true believers. I recently had a child and would like to join a church for the community, moral messages and music. I grew up going and got a lot from it. Exploration throughout my 20s made me realize I didn't believe what was being taught. I tried hard to accept the doctrines, but I truthfully think I never will. Is it deceptive to start attending again? — Baffled

Dear Baff: I think it's fine to go to church (or a temple) without accepting all their dicta. I would guess many people of every denomination have a range of questions or quibbles about some of the tenets, yet they go for the reasons you cite: community, moral messages and the music. Religious services offer peaceful surroundings and encourage thoughtfulness, if not spirituality. By all means, send your child, when the time comes, to the Sunday school of a church you find most in tune with what you do believe. When your child grows up, he or she may follow in your footsteps of nonbelief, but at least they will have had the chance to be a part of a religious group. Just as no person is entirely without flaws, one cannot expect any religion to be 100 percent in concert with one's own thoughts. And you might want to explore Humanist congregations, Quaker meetings and Unitarian gatherings. — Margo, spiritually

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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