Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: My wife and I have been married for 28 years and have three boys. I have a great career, we are well educated, and she stays home — which was her choice. Recently we decided to have an open marriage. What are your thoughts on this? We are seeking an outsider's view of the concept of open marriage. Thanks. — Living Alaska

Dear Liv: Well, you know, hon, since you and your wife have decided you're going to live this way, it doesn't much matter what I think ... but since you asked, here is one outsider's opinion. I find those arrangements kinda cheesy. My feeling is that fidelity is part of being married, and if you have a yen to get it on with other people, be single. Plus, I could never figure out how the open-marriage people dealt with jealousy. On the other hand, I recognize that there are people who say, "Well, it's just sex, so what's the big deal?" Some people living this lifestyle say it has improved the marriage. This I do not understand at all, but I am also a believer in "live and let live." As I have said in other contexts, I am a pragmatist, not a moralist, and if this works for you, fine with me. To paraphrase Noel Coward, whatever two people do is all right, just so it doesn't scare the horses. I would suggest, however, you not advise your three boys of this development. There is a chance they would find it disappointing, if not crushing. — Margo, individually

The Color of Money

Dear Margo: I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. We live in very close proximity to my in-laws.

My father-in-law is quite an authoritarian figure who likes to give money to the grandchildren. We are Chinese and live in Indonesia. Our currency denomination is distinguished by color, with $5 being blue and $10 being pink. The problem is that my father-in-law seems to favor my daughter, so he will always give $10 to her, but $5 to my son. The excuse he uses is that girls like pink and boys like blue. I'm not sure how my son feels because he doesn't talk about it, but I can see that he is not happy and wants the same amount as his sister. Just today my father-in-law asked if he is happy with what he gets and he shook his head. So my father-in-law gave him an extra $2, which is a green bill. I don't even approve of giving so much money to kids, especially for nothing! My husband has told me it's no use telling his dad to stop doing it. I didn't believe him and told my father-in-law to stop doing it. That was years ago and apparently my husband was right. My son feels he is being treated unfairly, and I just can't stand it anymore. The only thing I can think of is to give my son the difference. What else can I do? — Lily from the Other Side of the World

Dear Lil: Agreed: You cannot get your f-i-l to treat the children equally. I would tell the kids that your daughter has been getting the larger amount because she is older, and the pink and blue business was just a joke; however ... you are going to institute a new policy. The kids will pool their money and you will be the banker. Along with this new wrinkle, have chores for each child to do. That way, they will earn an allowance from Grandpa's gifts. — Margo, equitably

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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