Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I find myself in a predicament that I never in a million years would have predicted. I am a 25-year-old man who is married to a beautiful, committed wife. Recently, I was chatting online and met a guy. He was funny and quick-witted.

After a while we exchanged numbers and have talked for more than two hours every night since. Margo, I hate talking on the phone! Last night we were talking and laughing together, and after a moment of silence, I said, "God, I love you." I immediately apologized, but he said, "Don't." He said he has been fighting saying it, too.

Margo, we are both straight, and we both believe homosexuality is a sin. Neither of us knows what is going on. I haven't had any desire to spend time with my wife since this person came into my life. I only want to talk with "Matt." What is going on? — Dazed and Confused

Dear Daze: Let us recap: You "met" a guy online. You've been talking with him on the phone for two hours a night — and you hate phone conversations. You told him you loved him; he said he's been having the same thought. The two of you believe homosexuality to be a sin. Since you and cyber-friend "met," you have had zero interest in your wife.

These things would not, could not happen to a straight man. You are gay, my friend, though heavily repressed because … it would be sinful. I believe you and this other chap are so closeted that you've been hiding from yourselves. Because of your religious convictions, I am pretty sure there's an element of self-loathing, if only at the subconscious level.

I would suggest you seek professional help and guidance. Get the national number for GLBT counseling referrals.

And perhaps take a break from "Matt" until your identity question is settled, one way or the other. — Margo, startlingly

Try Reading the Tea Leaves

Dear Margo: I am 33 years old and head over heels in love with a guy who I think is great. The problem is that he drinks a lot and then picks fights with me, and the next day, he doesn't even remember the fight.

He recently got divorced, and I know from experience that it's a hard time dealing with everything. My family hates him and I think the feeling is pretty much mutual.

We live together, and finances are one of the things he picks a fight about. He thinks he's paying more of the bills than I am. The truth is, I am paying my half, but it seems he's paying more because he has bills from his marriage that he still has to pay.

I am at my wits' end about this whole situation. I don't want to leave him, but I can only handle so much more. — Jane in Illinois

Dear At: Run, Jane, run. If you evaluate the negatives about this guy you are head over heels in love with, chances are you might reorganize your thinking. This chap is most likely an alcoholic. It is bad enough to drink to the extent that you become belligerent, but quite something else not to have any recollection of it the next day. Your family doesn't like him for what seem to be valid reasons. (Sometimes families should be listened to. Do not ask me how I know this.)

In addition to his dependence on Jim Beam, he also has a chip on his shoulder about money. At the risk of being repetitive, marriage does not improve anyone's behavior. People are generally on their best behavior before the deal is closed. Caveat emptor. — Margo, warily

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2007 MARGO HOWARD

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