Recently
What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
Good To Go
Dear Margo: My father recently got a diagnosis of stage-four liver cancer. He is adamant that he wishes to die at home. In addition to needing information about how this can be arranged, I have now started thinking about my own health and wishes. I …Read more.
To Be Drawn In or Not To Be
Dear Margo: I'm a ninth grader at a small private school. I recently found out that someone who used to go to my school and is now at another school is smoking and dealing pot. When I found this out, I wondered if anyone at my school was doing this, …Read more.
more articles
|
Looking for Greener Grass
Dear Margo: I'm in love with two men — married to one of them, "Jack." The other man, "Roger," I've known for years longer. Roger and I had a physical thing prior to my meeting Jack. At the time, I asked him to make it official and he turned me down. I've always had feelings for him, and they weren't resolved when I met and married Jack. I even told Jack about it. I love my husband, and I know he loves me, but in the last year and a half we've started drifting apart. (We were married in 2006.) I've suggested counseling a few times, but he says we don't have the money (no insurance) or the time. He says we can work it out on our own. We try, things are great for a few days, but then they slide back.
I see Roger around a lot, and he has professed his love for me numerous times. Recently, I started an affair with him, and I don't know if he keeps coming into the picture because we were supposed to be together, or if it's to test the strength of my bond with Jack. I don't want to make a decision I'll regret, but I know I'll have to make a move one way or the other soon. Each man fulfills needs the other doesn't. I'm sure this is how polygamist sects get started. I have no idea what to do. — In a Predicament
Dear In: Your "drift" certainly wasted no time in making an appearance, your marriage having taken place not quite three years ago. As for Roger, I don't think he "keeps coming into the picture" because of any karmic forces; nor do I think the love gods sent him to test the strength of your bond with your husband. As I understand the Book of Mormon (well, OK, what I know from watching "Big Love"), polygamy was not developed so that different spouses could make up the perfect person. Life is choices and decisions. I suggest that you clear the playing field (i.e., end it with Roger) and concentrate on making things better with the guy you walked down the aisle with. Right now you are playing with fire. — Margo, dedicatedly
When Looking Is Just Looking
Dear Margo: Is looking at naughty videos on the Internet cheating? I recently caught my boyfriend viewing videos of women on a well-known user-posted video site. These were not pornographic, just scantily clad females performing stripteases, etc. I was very hurt and upset, but he promised he will not do this again, and I believe him. I forgave him and we're going on with our relationship, but I'm torn about the situation because I know that men are going to look at other women, even when they're in a relationship, and that it can be "just looking." The fact that he was actively searching for other women to view, however, bothers me still. Other than this incident, he's never given me any reason to doubt that he loves me. (And we have an incredibly good sex life.) — Distressed in Tennessee
Dear Dis: You are right that (straight) men are going to look at other women. In a perfect world this happens when a man is out in public (and even then it's sometimes not appreciated), but the Internet has made it easy for men to look at other women when they sit down at their computers. I don't think your situation belongs on danger.com, however. As you say, the site was not pornographic; it was amateurs posting sexy videos, but nothing lewd. And ... your fella vowed he wouldn't do it anymore, plus there seems to be no sign of addiction. Give him a pass, stop stewing and continue with your incredibly good sex life. — Margo, attitudinally
***
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
|
 |
Comments
|
11 Comments | Post Comment
|
|
Way to tell her about the "drifting," Margo. What a mess! It sounds as if she wouldn't be faithful to any man if all her needs weren't fulfilled 100%. What does she think marriage vows are FOR?
Comment: #1
Posted by: Bonnie
Fri May 8, 2009 7:11 AM
|
|
|
|
Oh lord, not again.
They need to start teaching it in school.
MEN LIKE TO LOOK.
They do not care about the stripper/porn star/girl in the bikini on the beach.
They're just looking.
If you are so insecure you cannot understand or just roll your eyes at it, (unless it's actually causing problems because they are doing it for hours everyday and jerking themselves until there is nothing left for you, or expecting you to be an airbrushed perfect poa)
then you are not mature or self assured enough for ANY adult relationship.
But they guys just looking at pictures? Let it go. THAT isn't the problem, insecure stupid selfish women are the problem there.
Go back to your playpens where!!! MINE!!! is the operative word and tone.
GEEZ, when are men going to get a break on this? I am so sick of reading these letters from stupid, insecure little twits.
BTW, I am a woman, I'm just not threatened by a few pictures.
Comment: #2
Posted by: moon
Fri May 8, 2009 7:19 AM
|
|
|
|
Yes, men like to look. There is no reason to be threatened by a few pictures - unless he stops having sex with you. That is an important indication that harmless looking has escalated into a full-blown addiction. Pornography need not harm a marriage, and may even help it. But if he spends hours looking at pictures, and prefers it to sex with a real woman (namely, his wife), that spells real trouble.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Carla
Fri May 8, 2009 7:32 AM
|
|
|
|
If "Distressed in Tennessee" has an incredibly good sex life that doesn't necessarily mean her boyfriend does too. He is obviously missing something and looking for it elsewhere.
Comment: #4
Posted by: JJ
Fri May 8, 2009 7:34 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: moon -- I agree; looking is not the same as touching or even the desire to touch. An occasional look is not an obsession which is something else entirely. If people didn't look, there wouldn't be good looking actors and actresses in the lead roles on tv programs and movies. I certainly don't lust after good looking actors and I am fairly certain that my husband isn't lusting after any actress. We appreciate good art, architecture, landscapes, birds feeding at our birdfeeders, and so forth. So why shouldn't we appreciate beauty in another human being without being thought to be unfaithful?
Comment: #5
Posted by: Pat
Fri May 8, 2009 7:46 AM
|
|
|
|
The letter about the guy looking at women's pictures on the web is more reason to be concerned that women are freaking out over normal male behavior. Is doing that any worse than buying Playboy? Yeah, I know, no articles online but unless this is an obsession and being chosen as an activity over other ones, like spending time with you and having sex, I think it is an overreaction.
It worries me that so many women are writing in about pornography online and saying that just because their guy looks it means he is a cheat. They seem to jump to the conclusion that seeing porn = cheating = reason for divorce. I wouldn't like it if my guy was looking at porn online either, but I think things are getting way out of hand in this area. There is porn (illegal, disgusting) and porn (legal, nude women, couples engaging in sex).
There has to be a rational way for couples to handle the second kind. You can even get it through Pay Per View on my cable network.
Comment: #6
Posted by: BB
Fri May 8, 2009 10:31 AM
|
|
|
|
For LW2...FOR CRIPE SAKE!! The man is watching a 'girlie show' and she thinks it is all about her?? Watch it with him and say "O honey, what do you like about this?" and then do it for him! News Flash: MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT CREATED TO THINK THE SAME!! MEN can have SEX with other women and think nothing of it! Shallow men, but still, they don't think with the northern head most of the time. I used to read "Crotch Novels"...ya know, his "FIRM THIGH" and such...lusty novels. I can imagine my husband saying "O no, you must not be happy with ME if you read those!!" LOL NO TOUCHING....and it can't overtake your life, ( as in the above suggestions) but be sexy TOGETHER!! Be secure enough to say "Hey Honey, look at her... what a beauty!" and then go buy a wig and BE her...or whatever...for BOTH OF YOU!! It is FUN to be someone else and he will think you ARE the sexiest woman ALIVE!!
Comment: #7
Posted by: Katie
Fri May 8, 2009 10:39 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Katie, You know, I notice we don't see letters from men constantly complaining that their wives read romance novels and spend time reading about romantic or erotic situations.
Why? They aren't threatened by pieces of paper.
Heck, I've known women who would get HUGE crushes on a celebrity , spend way more time than the average guy does on porn looking at pictures of the person, reading about them and tracking their every move through the internet or (in the old days) tv , newspapers and magazine articles. They'd even go to personal appearances or perfomances to drool over them, yet I never once heard the guy say anything like "What's wrong with me? Why is she looking at them?|" and get all whiny and hurt over it. I HAVE seen them roll the eyes when the women would start in (again) about what the star was doing this week and all that, or say something like "eh, he's on screen, I'm in her bed, so who cares?"
Most men get it on this one, in general, better than most women.
Comment: #8
Posted by: moon
Fri May 8, 2009 11:57 AM
|
|
|
|
Re Kate, Moon, BB, Pat. The outbreak of sanity and clear-headed thinking from the women here is refreshing. As a guy in a committed relationship who "likes to look" (both online and in public), allow me to compliment you all on your level-headed views. It's a welcome change and much appreciated.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Matt
Fri May 8, 2009 11:48 PM
|
|
|
|
Some people who commented here really need professional help, it seems they were having a nervous breakdown while writing these comments.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Kris
Sat May 9, 2009 2:04 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: moon Of course most men like to look at other women since most men have average or ugly wives/girlfriends :)
And news flash: the same goes the other way around - women also like to look at hot guys and can also have meaningless sex, it's just that this is still a mans world so they are judged by society more than men. That's why women have to pretend they are "nice" and say things like "Oh dear you are my second", "Oh dear I can't have sex if I'm not in love" ,"Oh dear I don't think that guy is better/bigger than you"... hahaha oh lies women have to say to protect fragile mans ego and poor suckers fall for that every time :)
Comment: #11
Posted by: diana
Sun May 10, 2009 5:55 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
