Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

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In terms of why more children are on medication these these days -- I believe that life is more complex. My life going to school in the 50's and 60's was more simple than it has been for more current generations. I had fewer possessions, there was less knowledge, fewer resourses, fewer expectations, fewer opportunities, the world was less complex -- there was less "roar" in general. Drugs were not as prevelant, credit not so available, etc., etc. Limits were more defined. I am wondering if these factors additionally challenge the ADD and ADHD mind in coping? Of course, many of the medications were not available back then, nor did we have the cyber media that we do now to so quickly "spread the word."

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Re: children on Meds. Not long ago, Mom's who had children with Autism were blamed for the problem and it was thought to be an emotional disorder. Now we know it is a brain disorder. I am SURE I would have been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, instead of being punished over and over and humiliated by the Nuns! I found out I am very smart and I became a nurse, but it was not easy. I still have a LOT of trouble with numbers. OCD is ALSO a brain disorder and due to better diagnostic techniques, we can LOOK at the brain through CAT or MRI and SEE the difference in a 'normal' brain vs an 'abnormal' one. People don't have to suffer from this stuff anymore. We don't have to blame the Mom's for toilet training them too early. Early help, medically and emotionally, can keep a child off of drugs to numb the pain of feeling different. I was beaten and yelled at constantly, but if my Mom would have been on the proper med's she would not have been as depressed and blamed me for her choices in life. Maybe not all children put on med's NEED THEM...but it is between their parents and doctors. And YES, when the parents take recreation drugs it DOES affect the child...maybe not even right away...but it will show up in school with behavior problems and learning disabilities. I also wonder how the LW knows that ANY of these children are on med's? It is no one's business, but the teacher and school nurse.

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I too find it hard to believe so many children nowadays are on medication and have an obesity problem. There is something strange going on. When I was a kid, we didn't have computers or video games. We went outdoors and played games that were also good exercise. We weren't worried about predators, except not to talk to strangers. There were no guns in the schools. The food we ate was probably better for us. We snacked on peanutbutter sandwiches instead of chips and cookies. The milk was whole milk--later we got 2%. It was rare to see a child who was obese.

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Thank you, Katie, for a well-put post. While I agree with some of the posters that certain things have changed, and that they may lead to more childhood obesity (i.e. less outside play, more junk food), I think the LW appears to have a somewhat distorted perspective: if people weren't on medication, that means there was no reason for them to be on medication. She somehow misses that we are able to diagnose some problems that we weren't able to diagnose before, that some medications are now available that aren't available before, so people are taking them when they need to. According to the National Vital Statistics System, life expectancy in the U.S. in 1950 was 68.1 years. In 1997, it was 76.5 years. The U.S. Census Bureau projects that by 2050, it will be 83.9 years. Mortality among children and young adults between the ages of 1 and 24 years decreased 50% (!) between the years of 1950 and 1999 (National Center for Health Statistics). In 1950, 585 people out of every 100,000 developed heart disease. In 1999, it was 268 out of 100,000 - a nearly 50% decrease! In 1950, 181 people out of every 100,000 died of stroke. In 1999, it was 62 out of 100,000. So, despite that we are, apparently, too fat and overmedicated, we live longer and healthier lives. I am not saying that we should feed our children nothing but pizza and french fries and encourage them to play video games for hours on end, but I don't think there is any reason for panic either.

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In response to both the letter and the answer for "Inquiring Minds," there is much you do not know. I have raised two sons -one with Asperger's Syndrome and one without it. First of all, the increase in diagnosed children with certain conditions is a result of the increase in medical knowledge, and there is a corresponding slow increase in diagnosing adults with the same conditions. By adulthood, many of them are experts at "hiding." In the past, many of these people were simply dismissed as "odd" or "not right" or even "criminal." My son was considered mentally retarded by his peers, and was hugely relieved to learn he was not mentally retarded when he was diagnosed. Imagine how that feels. Asperger's kids are average to high intelligence, despite appearances to the contrary to neuro-typicals. As we learn and understand what is going on with these children, we learn how to help them. Traditional methods do not work, and they are the ones who are suffering. Over the years, as I learned how my son really sees the world and thinks, my respect for him dramatically increased. I am constantly amazed at the clever ways of coping he has devised for himself. Most of these children experience physical things far differently from others. Think what you are saying: you cannot physically punish a child who bangs their head against the wall as a "stim." While my son has never used medication, it is appropriate in some instances. I'm sure there are cases where medication is used inappropriately, just like "the rest of the world," but you can bet the parents are watching closely and working with their doctor to determine what is best for their child. I know many parents in this situation, and I assure you that is the case. Your suggestion that conditions like these might be caused by parental diets is extremely offensive. Not only does scientific evidence prove otherwise, blaming parents is a hideous thing to suggest. It is the same thing the medical community did in the 1940's, proclaiming mothers of autistic children to be "refrigerator moms" who denied emotional connection to their children, thereby causing autism. Nothing could be crueler to a loving Mother. The medical community simply did not have an answer, so they did this horrendous thing. Your suggestion is right up there with that inexcusable offense. Doing a good or bad job of parenting - discipline, setting boundaries, setting a proper example - are entirely different issues UNRELATED TO WHETHER OR NOT A CHILD HAS A DISORDER. (Don't mean to shout but cannot find underline for important phrase.) I believe the amount of structure a child needs must be tailored to that child, but they all need structure. My boys require completely different approaches, and yet they must follow the same rules. It's alot of work, but they are so worth it. If you are concerned about these conditions, learn about them and find out what you can do to help. There are many ways to volunteer - fundraisers and walks -- maybe you could learn the truth and help spread it, to ultimately combat ignorance. There would be a nice justice in that. We all have the choice to either contribute positively and constructively to the world around us, or to contribute negatively by ignorant, hurtful bellyaching. Do not judge what you don't understand.

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"As for your conjecture about "spare the rod," my instinct tells me that permissiveness is not the major factor at work here." On the contrary, it is precisely the major factor at work here. The word "no" doesn't seem to be in the vocabulary of many of today's parents. I happen to think that the bulk (not all) of the issues we see with kids today are due to insufficiently decisively-applied discipline at home. This doesn't have to mean corporal punishment; it does mean saying what you mean and meaning what you say; it means punishing bad behavior consistently and over-proportionately as was done in the LW's early years. It means not letting your child talk you out of doing what needs to be done when they screw up. (As for "never having heard" of the popular diagnoses until about fifteen years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD in 1982. They've been around; they just weren't "trendy" back then or looked upon as a way to explain away what was actually bad parenting.)

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I think the fascinating thing about the letters from these "single-and-loving-it" types is the fact that they bother to write at all, wanting to know why others constantly question their lifestyle. It makes me wonder who they are trying to convince - us, or themselves? It seems like if they were truly content, there would be no need to write to an advice columnist and bellyache about other people's observations or opinions about what a perfect life ought to look like. If this guy, for instance, actually believes what he says about women and relationships, then he'd have grown a thicker skin and learned to shrug off his friends' comments long ago. People who aren't questioning themselves, don't have a need for validation.