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What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
Good To Go
Dear Margo: My father recently got a diagnosis of stage-four liver cancer. He is adamant that he wishes to die at home. In addition to needing information about how this can be arranged, I have now started thinking about my own health and wishes. I …Read more.
To Be Drawn In or Not To Be
Dear Margo: I'm a ninth grader at a small private school. I recently found out that someone who used to go to my school and is now at another school is smoking and dealing pot. When I found this out, I wondered if anyone at my school was doing this, …Read more.
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Has He Gotten the Red Sports Car Yet?Dear Margo: I am a middle-aged woman with two girls in college. My problem is my husband's emotional affair with his boss. My husband works at a computer company that requires quite a bit of his time, even weekends. Over the past eight months he's developed a very close friendship with his female boss that includes having drinks after work (leaving me home alone), buying her gifts on various occasions, taking many pictures of her when they travel together for business, spending weekend time taking her to dinner without me, and sending her e-mails on the weekend that don't involve work. My husband admits being sexually attracted to her, but says they only share a special friendship because they work together. He tells me he's in love with me ... but has no intention of giving up his special friendship with her. My husband feels that since there's been no physical contact between them, there is no threat to our marriage and, furthermore, that it isn't considered cheating! We are in our second round of marriage counseling. My question is: Since my husband is so cavalier about his involvement in this emotional affair, will we ever be able to get past this problem? We've never before had a problem like this over the course of our 25 years together. — Frantic and Crushed Dear Fran: Are you sitting down? Computer dude is clearly in a romance, and it ain't just emotional. I suspect male menopause. No disrespect, but I think your counselor is out to lunch if he or she hasn't made this the issue, and I also think your husband is lying through his teeth while trying to put you on the defensive. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your mate is trying to give you the old razzle-dazzle, and I hope you see through it. I suggest you tell him to take his "special friendship" and move it into an apartment.
No Sex, Please, We're Married. Dear Margo: I am 42 with two young children. I am married to a kind and loving man who cares deeply about our family. The problem is, he is not sexually attracted to me. I realize now that he never was. When we met, I was the aggressor, and once I stopped trying to have sex with him, all sex stopped. He says it's not me, it's him. (Does that argument ever work?) I feel unattractive, old and dried up. I don't want to think that the rest of my life will be celibate, and I am not the type to have an affair. We have tried therapy a couple of times, but it hasn't worked. I don't know how you can talk someone into wanting to have sex with you anyway. To make matters worse, I no longer want to have sex with him. I don't look at him in a sexual, masculine way anymore. Because of the young children, I don't know whether divorce is the answer. Also, due to my age, I don't know whether I would find anyone else. Everything else in our marriage works, but I am desperately unhappy without any physical connection. Please shed some light on a course of action for me. — Not Dried Up Yet Dear Not: I am reading between the lines that your husband is either indifferent to sex or gay. What I would urge you to try to determine, even if it takes a different therapist, is the reason underlying the no-sex situation. Once you know what's really going on, you will be in a better position to evaluate the situation and then make your choice about how you want to live. Knowledge really is power. And trust me, 42 is definitely not over the hill when it comes to finding romance again. — Margo, searchingly *** Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
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