When You Feel Like a Heifer at an Auction Dear Margo: I am 36 and attending college for the first time. It has been a wonderful experience, and because of my high GPA, I received many scholarships. One scholarship comes with an invitation to a fundraising dinner with all the local elite who …Read more. Me Tarzan, You Jane Dear Margo: I have a difficult problem I need an outsider's help with, as I wouldn't want friends or family to know. My husband is a very quiet man, and when I say quiet, I mean that he can go for days without having a conversation. It doesn't seem …Read more. You Are Cordially Invited To Stay at Home Dear Margo: I'm getting married in about six months and am working out the details. My question is: How do I not invite a relative? It's an uncle who's offended me, many of my relatives, my parents, my siblings, my grandparents and other aunts and …Read more. When a Hug Brings an Ugh I'm talking about our different ways of greeting. I mean we just bow when we greet one another. We don't hug and kiss as American and French people do. Although I myself was born in America, my parents were not, and I have grown up with their …Read more.more articles
Dear Margo: How can you tell whether someone is bipolar or just plain angry? I've been with my husband for nine years, married for five. I currently work full time, go to school part time and am away from home 13 to 15 hours a day Monday through Thursday. On weekends, I spend time with our kids, do homework and light housework. The issue is my husband.
During the week, he is the housecleaner, which he claims not to mind because I am the main moneymaker. Because I only have a year left in school, I shouldn't have this schedule much longer. He, too, is in school and works part time.
One of our issues: When friends invite us out during the week to celebrate a birthday or a new job and I'm able to get a sitter, he gets upset and lectures me about not doing housework, not working harder at our relationship and just wanting to party with friends. Another issue is that he thinks I don't find him attractive anymore because we don't have sex like we did when we met. (I was 19, without a care in the world, and we'd get physical about five times a day.) Over the years, it's dwindled to once or twice a week.
Without going to a counselor — which he doesn't believe in — I am wondering whether this is a mental issue or an abusive one that can be dealt with on a rational level. Am I naive for staying and thinking that once our money and schedule stresses go away he will be better about not saying hurtful things? — Dealing with Who Knows What?
Dear Deal: I am no diagnostician, but this does not sound like bipolarity to me.
Your reluctant househusband needs to shape up and grow up. I suspect you are assigning magical properties to having more money and easier schedules. Those things don't make people nicer; they just provide more money and easier schedules. I would have it out with him and tell him that his treatment of you is causing second thoughts about the future. If there's an improvement, fine. If not, decide whether this is how you want to live. — Margo, decisively
'Til Death Do You Part
Dear Margo: My younger sister died after a long illness. Her husband was a total menacing control freak before, during and after the illness. There is a bit of a family dispute going on about what to do about him. Is there anything wrong with cutting him out of the family completely at this point? — Hesitantly
Dear Hes: No. If the guy was an irritant while your sister was alive, I assume you all put up with him for her sake. Now there is no reason to do that. I would just ease on down the road and reject any overtures — which may, in fact, not be forthcoming. — Margo, sensibly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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